Going to a doctor with Shani

Shani called me and asked me to give her a ride to a doctor's office. She had a headache for a while, and she had visited this doctor before, and the doctor wanted to change her drugs dosage. The weather was very good today.

I let her drive my car. We got there to the office. I talked to her in our way, and I tried to be funny. It was the first time for me to be in a doctor's office in the US. It was in a commercial building full of other doctors. The area was neat and clean.

Before she got to the doctor, we had a short conversation.

...
She: I should be more careful about our health here. I don't have anyone here. If I get sick, nobody is going to take care of me.
Me: Yes. We should be careful, but you always have me.

And I hugged her from her side while I said that. She avoided my hug, and tried to remove my hand out of her shoulder. I stayed there until she visited the doctor. Then, we headed off to the campus.

Shani suggested to eat our lunch in a restaurant that she liked. I was not hungry, but I wanted to spend some more time with her. So, we went to a place named Alounak.

The place was small and friendly.

We ordered kebab. We were eating our lunch that I heard one of the Moein songs that reminded me many old memories. I wanted not to be emotional in front of Shani, but I decided to test her. So, I pretended that (and I was a little bit) the song made me sad. I left there for a few seconds, and I came back. I expected her to ask me more about it, and this help me to talk more to her, but it didn't happen.

She: What's happened?
Me: Nothing important.
She: Was that because of the song? Did you remember your past heartbreaks?
Me: Yes.
She: ish ... Just like girls...

She is totally emotionless. Kids, she failed another test. It is true that she is pretty, but I can't live with an emotionless girl. I just wanted to see her reaction. She could feel sympathy with me and try to calm me or say something to help me, but she was so selfish.

She started to talk with her phone. She didn't even talk to me. I accepted her request to have some time to talk to her, but she didn't even realize that. She wanted to pay for lunch to give me a treaty for helping her to get her driver's license, but I didn't want her to do that. She had paid like $100 for the doctor, and she said that her bank account had less than $1000. In addition, I thought that I like her, and I want to date her; so, it doesn't harm if I pay for it. Anyway, she didn't insist at all.

She left some food in her plate. She didn't even ask them for a to-go box. This way, she failed another test. Only selfish people left their remained food. There are many hungry people in this world; it is not fair that someone throw her food away.

I am the bad guy :(

I had this feeling that I am not the good person that I used to be. I think that I became the bad guy. All good things in me was the love I had that gone with wind. I feel that I am nobody without love, and this is not something that others can give me. My heart is broken like it can never be pieced together again. This is probably the reason that God doesn't help me.

I got very depressed after Nancy left me. I missed her a lot, and I couldn't control my emotions again.

Talking to Ashley - Signing Nancy's apt lease

I met another girl whom I liked, and I knew that she had a boyfriend. I found her alone, and I talked to her.

Me: hi.
She: hi (a little scared)
Me: I am Woody. What's your name.
She: I am Ashley.
Me: How are you?
...
Me: I know that you have a boyfriend because I saw you with him several times, but if you didn't, would you date me?
She: (smiled) uuuummmm
Me: OK. Your answer is No, but can I ask you why?
She: I usually date among my friend. I prefer to start with someone whom is already a friend because I want to know him in advance.
Me: OK. But dating is for knowing each other. Would you go on a date with me to know me, so?
She: uuummmm...
Me: It means No. Honestly, I liked you for a long time, and I was very shy to tell you, and I knew that you had a boyfriend, and I didn't want to bother you at all. I don't ask you to date me. I just wanted to talk to you and tell you that you are pretty.
She: Thank you.
Me: Do you think that it is OK for me to talk to a girl like this?
She: It depends on the girl. There are two kinds of reactions. Some girls don't like it and have a severe reaction, but some others appreciate the boy's time and effort. I am the latter. I appreciate that you came to me and talked to me.
Me: Thank you so much. Can I have your FB?
She: Yes.
...

Kids, she was the third pretty girl in our university, but I knew that she had no place in my story. I just wanted to give her a chance.

This is our FB conversation after I left her.

Me: Hi Ashley, thanks for adding me. I feel very good. It was more than a year that I wanted to tell you how pretty you are, and I was never courageous

She: Well thank you. I was having a kinda rough morning so you helped make me smile and I really appreciated that. Don't be so nervous in future to approach a girl and compliment her. There are some out there that may not take well to it but most girls will appreciate that you took the time to do that.

Me: Thank you for your advice! The problem is I see no more than three to four girls in a year to deserve a compliment; so, it is hard for me to tell them :) I hope you have a good rest of the day. If I can help you with anything please feel free to tell me. I know you think that we just met, but no worries; you are my friend :)

-----------------------------

Nancy brought me her apartment lease contract renewal for me to sign. I was good today, and I could easily talked to her. I also put some Dean Martin's songs for her to listen. She said that Shani had many of these songs when she was in her house. Anyway, I like these songs. I may even buy them from Amazon. I was very cool to Nancy, and I even made her laugh for a while. 

Iftar invitation

We had been invited to an Iftar tonight.

It was in another Persian (Afghan) restaurant called Dean's. The food was good. Sawyer, Natalia, Asante, and some other friends were there, too. I had a good night. My only fear was to see Nancy there, but she hadn't been invited. It was a party related to that Masnavi reading group that I used to go every month. 

New roommate

I got another American roommate today. When I came back home, I saw new furniture and the house was messy.

I haven't seen him, but I feel that he would bother me in the future. I even thought about leaving this house, but I don't want to cause a trouble for myself now.

Enjoying old music

I listened to this music because Shani liked it. I really like these love songs. It made me listen to some other old musics. (Dean Martin Sway - Gang Guys Tribute TV Show)


It seems that some old songs were had more love in them than today's songs. I think that I am in Shani's mode! This music is fabulous. I texted Shani tonight about it, and I said that how awesome it was. She said that she really liked this, too.

Another gloomy boring day

I saw my new roommate today morning when he was opening her packs in the kitchen. I don't like him, and I don't know why. I may even leave this house because of him.

I was good last night before going to Martin's house, but I feel very depressed again today. I shouldn't have gone there. I probably need to avoid Nancy for a while to forget her. I updated my blog until 3:15 pm, and I remembered all those good memories I had with Nancy. This made me more gloomy. I don't love her, and I can't be with her, but I still miss her, and I can't tell her. In fact, I have no reason for my current emotions. She is in love with another person and doesn't care about me, and I am in love with another person; there is nothing between me and her, and my heart still breaks when I see her.

A fish dream

I had a sad dream last night. I was in a house that I don't know. I saw a bowl with a gold fish inside it. The fish was big, and she couldn't breath. It was like that she was dying soon. I went to another room, and I saw another bowl with two gold fishes inside it. One of them was OK, but the other one was dying. I went to another room, and I saw another bowl with dying fishes inside them. All fishes were red and bigger than normal gold fishes. I went back to the first room, and I saw my mom there.

"These fishes are dying. Why nobody takes care of them?" I asked my mom, but she was indifferent. She didn't say anything.

I saw that the fish couldn't breathe well. I took the bowl, and I run toward the kitchen to change the water. I brought my hand into the water while she was trying to put her mouth out of the water to breath. The water was clean, but it probably didn't have any oxygen. I touched its body, and it was warm. The room was warm. "It probably suffers from the warm weather, too." I thought to myself.

I got to the kitchen, and I opened the water tap. I wanted to change the water, but it jumped out of the bowl and started to move up and down like a dying fish. When I saw this, I cried. "NO. Don't die here. I will save you. I don't let you die," I said. I got her warm body in my hand and put her back in the bowl. The water was fresh now. It seemed that I saved her.

"But this was not the only dying fish. I should save all others," I thought to myself, and I ran toward other rooms.

I don't know what's happened after that, and I woke up having this dream in my mind. I have no idea about this dream.

My professor gave me dates for Ramadan

My professor gave me some dates for Ramdan today. He fasted yesterday because he had been invited to an Iftar party last night. He is a good guy. He was not Muslim, but he fasted that day, but none of the guys whom I invited for Iftar fasted that day.

Iftar in Martin's house

Martin's wife had invited me to an Iftar party tonight. I didn't want to accept her invitation, but she promised to me not to cook anything. I wish not to see Nancy tonight, but when I got there, she was there. I didn't look at her. I still feel that I like her, and I don't want to cause a trouble for myself. So, I tried to avoid her as much as I could tonight. Ivor and Camellia were also with us. I sat next to Ivor and Martin. I didn't talk to Nancy at all. I hope that I was not that weird, but I think that Camellia figured out that I didn't want to see Nancy.

Nancy talked about her favorite things. She said that she liked Anime a lot. I wish I was not there. She also like Vampire Diaries. The more she talked about herself, the more I missed her, but I couldn't say anything. It was like being lightly tortured by the people whom you like. Nancy was nice tonight, but I was vulnerable, and I didn't want to talk to her.

Camellia said that she doubt that god exists or not. I didn't know that she was skeptical about God. This meant to me that I would no longer think about any relationship with her.

The food and everything was great. I left their house before midnight because I was very tired.

A bird that liked me

I was very tired sitting outside of the cafe building that a bird came to me. It came near my foot. I moved, and I sat somewhere else, and he chased me.

I sat on a bench, and he sat next to me. He looked at me in a way that melted my heart. I didn't know what exactly he wanted from me.

He chased me wherever I went for more than 30 minutes. I came inside to get something for him. I saw him didn't change his position. There was another guy there, but he didn't go to him.

I found some cheeps for him, and he ate them all. He probably was hungry looking for someone to feed him. At first, I thought that he can't fly, but when I left him, he flew away. Sometimes God does something that I can't understand at all.

Unrequited love

I read this by Taylor:

"I think unrequited love is just as valid as any other kind," Taylor, 24, responded. "It's just as crushing and just as thrilling. No matter what happens in this situation, I want you to remember that what you are doing is selfless and beautiful and kind. You are loving someone purely because you love them, not because you think you'll ever have your affections reciprocated. You are admiring something for its beauty, without needing to own it. Feel good about being the kind of person who loves selflessly. I think someday you'll find someone who loves you in that exact same way."


source: http://www.etonline.com/music/148810_taylor_swift_gives_love_advice_to_a_fan_about_unrequited_love/index.html

She simply is the best girl alive. I wish people could be as selfless as you.

Going to TimeWarner with Shani

Shani asked me to give her a ride to go to a Time Warner store near us. When we are together, she drives my car because she wants to practice driving.

The sky was amazing tonight, but I was a little depressed. I tried to act in a way that Shani doesn't notice me being sad.

Bad cinema night

I wanted to go to a cinema tonight. I invited all friends to go together. I wanted to invite Shani, but she said that this theater was dirty and she didn't want to come here anymore. Nancy was with us. I was very reluctant to talk to her. I still need more time to recover. 

The movie was terrible. 

The only good thing about the movie was this cute girl.

I couldn't sit there for more than ten minutes, and I left the theater. They were still there. I was very upset and depressed, so I went home. When I got there, I got a message from them that they left the theater, too. They asked me to join them for dinner, but I already had my dinner. I didn't want to answer my phone, so I just sent them a message, and I apologized for it.

I sent Shani a message to see if she got the sofa that she wanted to get tonight or not. I wanted to help her, but she already had moved it with help of others to her house.

Love and Lust difference

I read an article in BBC today that I agree with the results based on my own experiences.

In a nutshell, if you look at someone and you pay attention to his body, it is lust. If you can't stop staring at her face, you are in love with her.

http://bbcpersian.recherche-job.com/

It seems that I am really love with her.

I love you Taylor!

Iftar with Martin and his family and Camellia

I spent the whole day shopping today. I had invited Martin and his wife and Camellia for Iftar, and I wanted to compensate all Martin's wife did for me. I went to a new Persian store to buy vegetables and fruits and meat for tonight. I got the address from Hanson.

I bought some Sangak naan for the first time in the US. It was amazing. I wanted to have bread and vegetable and cheese for tonight.

I didn't have enough utensils. Even though I bought some when I had invited Hanson and Henry, I needed some bowls to make yogurt with cucumber. It is something that I am very expert at it. I went to TomThumb first. I couldn't find any bowl there. I went to a mall near us, but it was very expensive. Each one of the bowls was about 10 dollars.

I went to Walmart then, and I bought some for $1 each. Hopefully, we can find many cheap things in Walmart. I also bought a grate from there for $3. It was more than $12 in TomThumb. I also bought some other bowls. I think that I spent more than $100 for buying all these things.

I cooked some steak and fish for tonight.

I tried to be a good host, but I still don't know how to keep my guests entertained. Our house Internet was not working tonight, and I couldn't play anything from from the Internet for them. It was a good party though. I hope that they liked it, too.

An hour talking to Henry

I talked to Henry again today. We talked about many things. He suggested me to ask someone to be my girlfriend. I told him that I liked Shani better, but she can't be my girlfriend because we are very different. "You think it is simple. I am pretty sure that 8 out of 10 girls won't accept to be your girlfriend," he said, but I couldn't understand. I think that Shani likes me, and if I ask her, she would accept. In addition, Natalia also likes me. I don't want to date Natalia because she was a close friend of Henry. Furthermore, I am not looking for a relationship now. I just want to learn more about girls, and I don't want to have a girlfriend whom I don't like. His latest suggestion to me was to wait for someone whom I really can consider as a girlfriend, and I may marry someday. He was right, but I feel that I really need to have a girlfriend. The problem is I am not in love with none of these girls. I don't even feel the same good feelings that I had with Nancy with them.

He also told me that he thought about my case. His opinion was to find a good girl now because it would be harder to find someone who loved me because of me and not my money and social position. He was right, but I don't care if Taylor is going to love me for whatever. Anyway, this conversation was not that fruitful.

A night with Natalia in the art museum

I was in my office today, and I met Henry. I was going to visit the art museum tonight because they had a special event. It was a murderer mystery night. You needed to visit different museum parts to find some clues and identify the fictional murderer who murdered one of the sculptures in the museum. I really liked the idea, so I wanted to visit the place.

Me: Do you come with me?
Henry: No. I am very busy. Why don't you take one of the girls.
Me: Whom can I ask? Nancy has a boyfriend ...
Henry: I suggest you to take Natalia. She is very good girl. She is very smart.
Me: I don't know. I don't know her that much.
Henry: I see absolutely no reason for you not to ask her.

I came back to my office, and I thought about it. I wish I could ask Shani because I liked her better, but she probably didn't want to come with me. So, I decided to listen to Henry and ask Natalia.

I asked Natalia, and she agreed. We went there together. I was fasting, and I suggest to go to a restaurant, but the place was very packed, and we would miss the event if we wanted to spend the night in the restaurant, so we decided to go to the museum.

It was very packed tonight. I was hungry, but I didn't want to miss the event.

The line was very bug. Natalia didn't want to stand in the line; so, we decided to visit other places first. I wrote something to put on the wall.

Then, we sat there to paint something. It was a part of museum for kids, but we enjoyed being there.

I painted myself, but it turned out to be a terrible painting. I can never be a artist :)

Natalia also painted herself. It is not look like her, but at least she is a better painter.

We visited a few parts of the museum together, but she was tired. She told me that she used to sleep at 8 pm. She asked me to sit somewhere in the museum, and she started to talk about herself. I wanted to go and play that murderer mystery, but she didn't want to that. She took this as a date. "It is not a date girl. I didn't want to find an excuse to talk to you. I really wanted to experience that murderer mystery." I though to myself, but I didn't tell her. She opened her smart phone and showed me her pictures, her sister's pictures, and the things that she had done in her life. It was like a showcase of her. I remembered Henry's words when he said that girls try to impress us with their cooking and artistic skills,... But it was not a date. I didn't want to know her! Anyway, I also talked about myself, and all hardships that I had to get to the US. We had a weird date night together.

Then, we walked for a while in downtown, and I drove back home.

She was hungry, so we got a burger from whataburger, and I dropped her off at her place.

I felt lonely after tonight. I talked to her, but I found that she was still a kid. Her concerns were very different from mine. She was here, but she was not independent at all. She told me, "she spends a few hours every day to talk to her mom and her little sister." It seemed to me that she still lives with them. Unfortunately, she is not a good match for me. If I wanted to date someone, I would probably date Shani. I like her better.

Sparrow hunting a big insect

I was a witness of something very weird today. A very small sparrow was trying to hunt a big insect. They got attention of some other guys walking there.

They had a very long fight that ended with sparrow's victory.

Marvin bought a car today

Finally, he bought a car. Marvin bought that car we saw the other day today. It was rainy, and I didn't want to drive my car in such a rainy day, but I was the only person who could give him a ride.

We sat an appointment in the bank for buy the car. Marvin was very stressful. He didn't want to buy the car. "He didn't let me show the car to a mechanic. I don't know if I should buy it or not. I put a $500 deposit, and I may let it go." he said.
"I think" I said, "you already bought the car when you gave him $500 deposit. That's a lot of money. In the worse case that the car had a problem, you will pay some money to fix it, but I think that it was a very clean car, and it should have absolutely no problem. By the way, I can't force you to buy or not to buy the car. It's up to you, and you are the person who needs to make the final decision." I said. Indeed, I encouraged him to buy the car. He was very dubious. I knew that car was good, so I talked to him in a way to motivate him, but I didn't take any responsibility.

I thought that the car might have a problem that the seller didn't let us show it to a mechanic, but I changed my mind after I talked to him.

Me: It is not the way to sell a car man!
The owner: It is not the way to buy a car.
Me: Why didn't you let him to show the car to a mechanic.
The owner: I did. He could come yesterday. He could do it the day before that. I was busy today.
Me: Oh, I didn't know that.

Finally, he paid the price in the bank, and he bought the car. He didn't have GPS, and he lost me in the path, and his mobile died, and we had some tough time to find each other. I am happy that he got his car. Hopefully, I could help him to make a right decision and get a good car. He got the loan.