Worse night ever, feeling lonely

I went to that dance party event tonight. I was a birthday party with Bollywood theme. The host gave me an Indian shirt to be prepared for the Bollywood dance. I looked very good in that Indian shirt. I prepared a drink with milk that I made myself called "Pink Milk." Nancy and others came late. I also prepared a part of dinner there myself.

The dinner was good. We talked to each other for a while. There were several strangers.

Among them, there was a girl who came there with her brother. She was an interior designer, and she talked to me about her work. She was from France. She was probably as old as or older than me; so, I was not interested in her. I enjoyed the conversation because I didn't know anything about the interior design and she gave me a very good view. After dinner, everybody started to dance in the middle of the hall.

Everything was great until tonight. I never expected this to happen to me. I got tired, and I sat I was sitting there that I saw Nancy drank a small amount of a drink. It was not pleasant to me. I went to the other room to say my prayer. Obviously, I was the only person who did that tonight. I came out of the room, and I danced with them for a few minutes, but I didn't dance with Nancy. In less than an hour, I noticed her doing it again. I asked the host to forgive me and let me leave earlier, but she took my hand and said: "Please stay 10 more minutes. I don't want you to leave that early." I didn't know what to do. I decided to stay there for a few minutes, and I sat in the corner of the room. In the middle of dance, they brought a drink for everybody. People started to drink and drink. The smell of alcohol was disgusting. I wanted to leave, but I couldn't find the host. She was probably in the bathroom. That guy offered me to take a shot several times, and I declined, but Nancy got a big shot and drank a lot. Then, she realized that she can't drive like that. She got panic, and Henry went to her.
"Don't worry. Nothing happened. I will drive you home," Henry told her. I didn't want to listen to their conversation. I didn't want to see her doing that.

So many thoughts came to my mind: "Why did she do that? Why isn't she a responsible person? Is it really fun? She definitely doesn't like me. Otherwise, she will notice me not liking this." I went to the other room to find Martin's daughter to play with her, but Martin was trying to put her into sleep. I was hopeless and

I left there earlier because I felt that I couldn't stay there anymore. I talked to Nancy before leaving.
Me: "I am leaving. Bye." I got her hand in my hands.
Nancy: "Bye." (She looked into my eyes, and I stared into her eyes the entire conversation. Her eyes have been asking me to stay with her. She knew that I liked her, and she probably was not that sober.)
I take her hand with my both hands to have a more intimate feeling.
Me: "You OK?"
Nancy: "Yes. Henry will take me home."
Me: "Alright! [You probably won't see me again.] I gonna go. Bye." (I was touching her hand and caress it like I love her. I was very sad inside as she couldn't see my heart breaking. She couldn't even understand why.)
My voice lost in music voice when I said, "you probably won't see me again." She never knew my feelings tonight.
Nancy: "OK. Bye." [I really appreciate you like me that much]
I took my hands off of hers very slowly because deep inside I didn't want to leave her, but I knew that it was over.

I felt very lonely. I played a sad music in my car and drove my car to take Marvin to his house. In the way back to my home, I played it again, and I cried for a while.


I am a very stranger in this world. Sometimes I think that I made a big mistake to stay in this world for a bit longer. I felt very lonely tonight. I was an awkward person in the middle of some people having fun together. I can't even understand this kind of fun. It was like a torture to me. I was very different from all other people in that place, and it seems that nobody is like me in this world.

I remembered all those times when I was younger, and I was in love with that girl; I remembered how my heart getting hurt when she was dancing with others. It seems that nothing has changed. I am still the same person. I still can't see my loved one does something unacceptable to me. "You had fights with your father all the time because he was old-fashioned; how can you live with someone like him with just a different degree of tolerance? You don't even love me. Do you? If yes, why didn't you feel my heart aching?" I told to Nancy in my thoughts. I wish she could understand me.

I cried my eyes out and went to bed after that.