Birthday party of Justin's wife and seeing Shani after a long time

I was in the cafe that my friends showed up. It was Justin's wife's birthday. They invited me to join them. A few minutes later, Shani also showed up to celebrate the birthday with them. We didn't have any eye contact. I took several pictures of them, and Shani was in my camera LCD. It was like we were never be friends. She is the most emotionless girl I have ever seen in my life. As a boy I am more emotional than her. Anyway, the party ended without anything special.

I saw a few American girls at night in the pub. "Why shouldn't I get an American girlfriend?" I thought to myself, "I want someone as emotional as Taylor. I don't want to waste my time being with someone like Shani. However, she is also a girl. I can learn many things from her about the girls. I may even consider her for marriage one day if I couldn't find Taylor. I should make a decision about Shani, but I can't do it now because I don't know what's in her mind until she talks to me."

Thinking about Shani and the things that happened

These days I think about Shani all the time. I don't know if she thinks about me or not. I even thought about marring her. She is not a type of girl whom I can marry. I don't like her attitude. She never answers me. She didn't care about me and feelings at all. She is not really my choice, but at least I don't dislike her. In addition, I am looking for a girlfriend to know girls better.


I have found this Persian masterpiece these days, and I listen to all the time.




She is a good choice because I already spent lots of time with her building a good friendship. If I start with any other girl, it may take more than a month to get to this point. I am super busy, and I can't do such a time investment now. I have to work hard on my project. The sad thing about my project is that my friend declined to help me. He started to work on it, but he didn't do much, and his incomplete work is completely useless to me. I expected to finish this part of the project this summer, but I couldn't. It's a failure to my plans. I have to spend at lease two more months to compensate it, and I am not good at UI designing, but I have no other choice.

Downtown Clubs

I just picked Marvin and Micheal, and we went downtown to see what's there. Outside the bar, it was a guy who has been giving free hugs to people. He hugged Micheal. I wanted to try it, too. He hugged me in a way that I felt that he was a gay, and I felt very bad.

We stood in a line to enter the bar.

The music was very loud, and it was hard to hear someone else's conversation. We stood in a corner to watch. I went to the crowd, but I didn't like it. It was very bad. I hated that loud music, but Micheal liked it. He danced a little with them.

I went to the second floor. It was the same. The music was different here, but it was still annoying. There were many people dancing together. I decided to go and dance with them, but nobody danced with me. It was like that people were there with a group of three or four or more, and they were together. Single people were near around the corners ordering drinks or buying girls drinks. Since I don't drink, and I don't want to buy someone a drink, I couldn't communication with anybody there. In addition, the music doesn't let anybody to talk.

The culture inside the dance clubs seems to be very different. I couldn't see not even one single girl who I could like there. It was not fun for me at all. I got bored, and I asked them to go to another bar. I could remember this bar when we were here last Halloween. This wasn't a dance club. On the second floor, I saw boys buying drinks for girls trying to prey them for themselves. There was even a competition between boys to get a chance to talk with a girl. I saw a brief implicit fight between two boys trying to get the same girl. The only attraction was sexual attraction. Boys hit on the girls whom look liked sexier to them. Micheal didn't like this place. He wanted to dance. So, we came back to the previous bar.

I tried to adopt to them, and I tried to dance. I went into the crowd, and I jumped up and down, but I had absolutely no fun.

In the way back, Micheal talked to me about the girls whom danced with him, and he was very satisfied. "If we are going to live here," he said, "we need to learn their culture. It was a very good experience for me. I would like to come here again."

I wrote her that I liked her

I wrote a message to Shani to tell her that I like her. I didn't want her to be angry with me. I wrote a long message for her over FB, and I tried to explain everything for her.

She answered: I just said i don't like anybody to break my privacy and i'm so sensitive about that...
No need for this long story. Its okay.

I didn't want her to think that I am begging her, so I wrote her a harsh but still polite answer:

You condemn me for something that i didn't do, and it hurts. Think for a moment. I didn't break your privacy. It is all in your mind if you think that I did. I don't know your story though, and you won't tell me. Nevertheless, i considered you as a closer friend who knows me and trusts me. My apology. World is a strange place to live. If you see me as such an untrustable and privacy invader person,... . I don't want to think about this anymore. Anyway, you can come and talk to me whenever you changed your mind; just be As honest and frank and selfless as me. Good night.

She didn't answer this, and I didn't expect her to answer it. It is always hard to communicate with her. She doesn't answer messages, and when she does, she writes a few lines, and I can't understand her true feelings. I think that she was angry with me because she expected me to ask her to be his boyfriend, but she didn't say anything. Anyway, I think that she doesn't have any right to speak to me like the way she did before.

A Christian home group

I went to a christian home group to pick up Micheal and Marvin. We wanted to go to downtown bars again. I just had my dinner there, but I would like to be more in this kind of groups.

Since it was late we couldn't go tonight, and we planned for tomorrow.

A chat conversation with Shani

I sent Shani a text in the morning at 11:15: "I would like to go to the art museum tonight. I would like to invite you."

She didn't answer my text. It made me really sure that she was angry with me, but I didn't want to judge it. I sent her another text at 3:45 pm: "Are you angry with me? Anytime you are done with your job, tell me. I would like to talk to you." I just wanted to talk to her.

I see absolutely no reason for her to be angry with me. I invited her. I paid for her several times. I also helped her a lot, and I was a very good friend to her. Even if she was angry with me, she should have answered my texts. I politely asked her out, and she didn't even send a polite rejection.

She answered my text a few minutes later: "Hi. I am sorry that I forgot to answer you. I am upset, but it's nothing important. I just don't want somebody to invade my privacy and come to my lab or my house... It's not important. I am always grateful for whatever you did for me."

Her message made me sure that she was very upset. I knew that privacy thing was just an excuse. I could read between her lines that she didn't want to see me again. In addition, we were more friends than this. She knew that I didn't invade her privacy at all. We went all many times together. She even let me in her home once. Wasn't that privacy. I was sure that everything was related to that night because her text messages completely changed. She used to use many smilies. She used to write in a way to make me feel she is happy, but this time was different. She even talked about being grateful where the subject was something different.

Me: "I have to talk to you."
She: "I don't want to talk. Sorry. It's nothing special... Please don't insist; it makes me upset. Mercy."

I explained her that it might be a misunderstanding, and we need to talk to solve this misunderstanding, and I would like to keep my friendship with her, but she replied: "I am not intended to break our friendship, and it's not important. I understand that it is a misunderstanding. Just give me some space and let it pass... I should go back to work now."

Her answer was just another proof. Why she needed space if it was not because of that night, and it was only because of her privacy. I even explained her that I didn't go to her home, and I just met my friends in her lab without even asking anything explicitly about her there. So, the only thing remained was that night. It was damn right about it. I should talk to her as soon as possible to fix everything. Time can't help. I should know exactly what's happened and why.

Me: I give you time to. I wait for you to finish your work.
She: No... I am busy...
Me: Your work will definitely end some time. I will wait for you until any time even tomorrow morning.
She: Plz... next week I really want to be alone. It's exactly the concept of privacy im talking about...
Me: No. I should have talked to you that day. It's not a one-sided issue that you see only yourself. I couldn't do my work well these 2-3 days since I figured out that you were upset, and I was not sure what could I do. I can understand privacy and being alone, but I am upset, too; probably more than you.  I can't force you. It's up to you. Either consider only yourself and don't talk to me, or let's talk and solve all misunderstandings. I don't think that the time will help. I can understand you in both cases.

Kids, she didn't reply this. I waited the whole day and the entire night. My eyes got tired looking at my phone to get a reply from her. She should be very selfish that she didn't want to talk to me, or she simply needed some space. I will give her the space that she needs, but I really wanted her to consider me, too.

Dinner night with Patricia

I invited Particia for tonight. I cooked her fish. It was 9:00 pm, and she was late. I contacted her, and she said that she got home from her work just now, and she needed some time to clean-up. She showed up 9:40 pm, and she really surprised me. She had wore a beautiful make-up. I haven't seen her with those pretty dresses and that make-up. She was ten times better than the first day that we met.

She liked my tablecloth, and she said that she liked everything that had a Texas flag on it.

She loved my food. She ate it all. We talked for more than an hour and half about many thingssuch as movies, books, music, Persian language, her family, her life, my life, my goals, ...

Sadly, I don't have time to write about it. It was a good night. I don't know if she want to be my girlfriend or not, but I am very satisfied from myself tonight. I could invite a girl to my home, and we had a good time together. She said that she wanted to go to a birthday party after that, and I don't know if she did that make-up for me or for that birthday party! All I know is that she was very pretty that made me think about her.

I was concerned about Shani as she sent me nothing today. I decided to send her a fake message, and I pretended that I wanted to send it to my friend to make her answer me, but she didn't reply:

"Hi. I finished my forms. If you have prepared something for our project, please send it to me by tomorrow noon. Good night," I sent it for her and my friend.