Thursday, February 27, 2014

My brain is not working anymore

I am very exhausted these days. I try to sleep to recover, but it doesn't help me. My brain is not working anymore. It is because I worked very hard the previous week, and I had so many emotional issues. I still need more time to move on. I should re-plan everything again. I saw Luna's boyfriend today when I was sitting in the cafe with my friends. He was a very good-looking and charming boy. I may want to see Luna again. I don't know why, but it is something that I really want to do the next week. Perhaps, it is because my mind has stopped working.

It is also because of that talk with my professor. I feel that many things are changing around me that I have no control on it. It is what God really wants, and I can't see the consequences from now. It takes at least four months (probably the end of this semester) to meet the different future.

I met one of my old friends today

I saw one of my friends who came to the US two months ago today. He came to our university with one of his friends, and we went to the downtown. I know him since seven years ago, and I am so proud of having quality friends. I talked to him about my dreams of having a company here. His friend was a green card holder who had worked in some companies in California.

We were in the cafe that I saw Luna's boyfriend. He didn't know me, but I knew him because I had seen so many of his photos with Luna. He was very handsome and taller than me. I admired Luna for her choice secretly. Even though I know that Luna is dating him only because she couldn't find anyone better, but he was a decent boy. I don't want to judge him, otherwise I could write so many things about him even before talking to him. Since I was with my friends, I didn't pay attention to him at all.

I have a long conversation with my friend.
"It is very hard to have a business here. You need to have very strong network connections who can help you. But networking is something that you can't achieve without good communication skills specially speaking," he said.
Me: "I am still working on it. I have a very slow progress, though."
My friend: "I know that it is not just your English, you had communication issues even in Persian."
Me: "Yes, I know, but I am hundred times better than the time I was in Iran. Now, I can easily start a conversation, but I still need to learn many more things. I don't know anything about the business culture here. I expect to find a partner who can complement me. I am a very strong technical person who doesn't know much about business."

He was right. I always had this issue because of my intuition. Most of the time, I know what is going to happen before it happens intuitively. I even can know a person by looking at him and speaking a few words with him. But almost nobody can understand it. It happened with Luna again a few weeks ago. I can't talk to Luna anymore. I know her very well even better than her boyfriend who knows her for more than two years. I can see her deepest inside, but she can't see me at all. As a result, I start to talk to her like a person who knows her for a million year, and this confuses her as she doesn't know me and she thinks that I don't know her. Being an INFJ is so much trouble!

I spent the rest of the day talking to my friends and visiting downtown. We went to Chipotle for the first time. The food was good.








Tuesday, February 25, 2014

I am going to sell the company

I had a long conversation with my professor today. He is thinking of selling the company's share (with the project that I am working on it now) to an investor who asked for more than 70% of the shares. I am not sure if it is a right decision or not, but it seems that he has no other choice since he doesn't want to invest more out of his pocket for this project.

If it happens, then I may need to work for the other company as an intern or become a full-time employee there. It may result in a good situation for me as it may help me to get H-1 visa very soon, and let others to know my abilities. Or it can be a bad for me as it can ruin my dream of my own company in the near future. If I work for them, I would have no chance to have my own company. I know that having my own company is my last chance of being as successful as I expected from myself. It is my only motivation, and I don't want to lose it by any means. I trust God, though. I have a very good feeling about the consequences of my professor's decision. I see a very bright future for it. I didn't tell him about my feelings, but I know it that it can be a life-changing decision for me. It can't, however, help me to get what I really want.

My current weakness is my ability to have connections with business owners and potential partners. My English and speaking skills has intensified this weakness. I should overcome on it very soon. I needed to have an American girlfriend or at least a female friend who can help me with that, but I still couldn't make it. That fraternity was a very good opportunity, but I knew that it couldn't help me as much as I expected.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

The 14 Differences Between The Boys You Date And The Men You Marry

Luna had shared a link about differences between the boys you date and the man you marry, and I wonder why all girls dating a wrong boy including Taylor?

1. The kind of man you marry says “I love you” and “I’m sorry” because he genuinely feels that way, and he never hesitates to be the one to say it first. The kind of boy you date says those things when an apology will get you off his case and an “I love you” will keep you around a little longer.

2. The man you marry asks you out. The boy you date asks you to hang out. The man you marry will be clear about his intentions. The boy you date will keep you questioning.

3. The kind of man you marry knows the art of treating someone to a night out, and he realizes that he should do so not because he’s a man and it’s his masculine responsibility, but because everyone deserves to be treated well and swept off their feet now and again. The kind of boy you date won’t think that these gestures are important.

4. You’ll have things like reading, a love of nature, music, politics and religion in common with the man you marry. You’ll have things like drinking and talking about people from high school and where they ended up with the boy you date.

5. The kind of man you marry doesn’t seek you out for his own means. He doesn’t want you because he wants sex, or someone to show his family, or someone to wrap his arm around at the end of the day. The kind of boy you date was lonely or needed someone to sleep with regularly or needed to get his family off his case.

6. The man you marry sticks around no matter how messy things get. This one is important, because if you think that the rest of forever isn’t going to be a little messy at times, you’re kidding yourself. And you need someone who can handle it, who is committed. The boy you date is the one who uses you at his disposal. Who seems to come and go when it’s convenient for him. Who isn’t committed enough to want to stay when things are anything but happy.

7. The kind of man you marry wants to go down on you. The kind of boy you date wants you to go down on him.

8. The kind of man you marry is hella good in bed, not because of their physique or skill, just because they care enough about you, and not just themselves, to make sure that you’re happy and taken care of before they are. The kind of boy you date is there for his own release, and his own needs.

Related Thought
Screen Shot 2013-10-03 at 1.03.42 PM
The Difference Between The Boy You Date, And The Guy You Marry
I have always, honestly believed that there are two types of men in the world. There are the guys that you marry and the boys that you date. Both look the same, talk the same, heck they probably even smell the same. But you end up breaking one’s heart, and marrying the other.
9. The man you marry will understand that bodies fluctuate in size, that hair is natural and to shave it is a personal choice not a requirement, that ailments happen and so do sometimes unseemly excretions. The boy you date will be grossed out by anything that makes you anything less than the Kate Upton poster on their wall.

10. Whether or not they receive your family’s complete approval, the man you marry is respectful even if they’re hesitant, the boy you date is disrespectful right back.

11. The man you’ll marry is the one who will change his mind about marriage and kids having met you. The boy you date is the one who says neither are for him– ever.

12. The kind of man you marry doesn’t fight dirty. He doesn’t call you “fat” or “stupid” in your arguments. The boy you date does.

13. The man you marry will know how to do his own laundry, cook himself a meal, have a savings account, wear a tailored shirt, be comfortable in his sexuality/gender performance wherever it falls on the spectrum, be cognisant of whether or not he wants kids or a house on a farm or a condo in a city, because these are things that every person should know before they get married. Needless to say, the boy you date will be unsure of what he wants, and the problem with it is that when he does decide, you have to make sure it aligns with what you want.

14. You will never have to question whether or not the man you marry loves you. Even if everything else is up in the air, even if everything else has totally fallen to shit, you know that there is something deeper between you, and it’s all you really need. The boy you date will never give you that feeling of assuredness. Not because he didn’t say it, not because he didn’t act like it, but because somewhere within you, you know it isn’t true.


http://thoughtcatalog.com/kate-bailey/2014/02/the-14-differences-between-the-boys-you-date-and-the-men-you-marry/

She probably doesn't love that boy internally.

Friday, February 21, 2014

I read my previous blog

I reviewed all my previous blog today. I really liked it. It made me to feel very good. I was so proud of my writings when I could experience the same feeling by just reading it. I remembered all those hardships before coming to the US and all those dreams that were dreams some days, and some of them are the reality now.

Then, I came here to write something that a comment of a reader made me sad again. Why are these guys so rude? I wanted to close this blog because of that, and I wrote this "The End" post, but I changed my mind because there are very a few who read this blog, and it doesn't worth to spend time creating another blog. In addition, I wanted to keep all the story in one place as far as possible.

دردمندی را سبویی می طلب
بهر آن سالها بودی تشنه لب
چون خدایش آن بداد شکری نکرد
چند نگذشتی سبو هم تکه کرد
مر مریدی شیخ را پرسیدی چه شد
گفت آنچه گویم تو میخواهی شنود؟
ابلهان باشند فراوان در جهان
قدر نعمت هم ندانند این خران
زین نه تنها زحمت خود میکنند
بل جهانی را به رنج می افکنند
این نیوش و بعد از این هوشیار باش
ماه داند قدر خور بیدار باش


Missing Green Movement

A shared video of protests in another country reminded me all those days in Iran with Green Movement tonight.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Which one is worse?

I saw Taylor in my dream again last night. I can't remember what I saw, but I wanted her again. "You are again on the right track," I said to my heart after I woke up. Luna has gone, and I should understand it.

This dilemma made me laugh today; I don't know which one is worse: the fact that my girlfriend got a boyfriend after I asked her out, or the fact that my girlfriend had a boyfriend since six months ago, and I didn't know it, or the fact that my wife doesn't even know me.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

heart-breaker shadow

بعضی ها همینطوری آرومم که رد میشن سایه اشون قلب آدمو میشکونه
Such a heart-breaker that her shadow breaks hearts as passes by slowly.

She was very dangerous. I was dreaming her last night again. I was in Iran again. I had my home cloths on, and they were dirty. There were a guy and a girl sitting there.

The guy: "We are a team. We are so happy that you are a part of our team. There is also another member who joined us recently. Her name is Luna (her real name)."
The girl: "He knows Luna."
The guy to me: "Do you know Luna?"
Me: "Yes, I do."
The guy: "She will be here any minutes."

"Oh My God, Luna is coming here. My clothes are unsuitable. I should wear decent clothes." I thought to myself while I was imagining Luna in her dress the first day that I saw her, and I went to my bedroom.

I had two new shirts that I brought with me from the US. I wore one of them that had blue and red and white lines on it and looked very good (I don't have it in real life, but if I see it I would buy it). I can't remember what pants I wore. There were so many beetles on the wall of the living room. They had strength patterns like hives. They were brown with shining gold lines between hive parts. "What these beetles are doing here? They are only here, I couldn't find any in the bedroom," I said to my brother. "I don't know," he answered me. "They are beautiful though, but they shouldn't be here." I thought to myself. I went to the other room to wait for Luna.

She never came. I woke up missing her so badly. I think that God really saved me this time. I saw her less than 30 seconds in person, and I am dreaming her all the night. It is so scary. I got surprised when I have no idea about and no control on my internal feelings. I really didn't know that I gonna like her that much in this short amount of time.

I have this crazy idea to go and see her in her class tomorrow. Maybe it causes a change. She is just an image that has nothing to do with my life. Her story is over.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Bad dreams

Kids, when you are far from your family sometimes you may see bad dreams. Last night, I saw my grandmother was blind. She was in the US with me. I was talking to her about the good weather and the park behind all those parks when we were going to her rented room. "Am I crazy to go back to Iran after all these? to do what? to go to the military?" I told her. When we got there, she had forgotten to bring her keys. "It is true that I can't see, but I can open this door using this little coin," she said. "Give it to me, let me try," I said. I opened the door for her. It was a very small room.

You know what, maybe I never see her again. It was not something that I could imagine before coming here. It was prayer time. I slept again after I said my prayer.

This time I saw that we were in a car. My father was driving, and I was sitting in the front passenger side when I heard that my mom crying. She had sat in the back sits. I looked back, and I said, "Why are you crying mom?" She said while she was crying and suffering, "I have a headache, and your father doesn't bring me to a hospital." I looked at her head. It was bloated and bruised. It was like that something hit her head so badly. "Why don't you go to hospital dad?" I asked my father. "We are going there now. Let me see her head," he said, and he parked the car somewhere. We got out of the car, and my mother was still crying from the pain.

I can't say how much painful are these dreams to me. I am very concerned about my mom and my family, and I can't do anything. I called my mom today when I woke up, and she was OK. She got very happy when she heard my voice, and she said that she was so concerned about me. I didn't tell her about my dream at all. It should be forgotten.

A gloomy day

I had to work on my course project today. I can't remember the part of my dream that I was laughing with Luna. I also had a dream that I was in a pray (سجده).

Today was a very gloomy day. I started to work on documentation of that project from noon to evening. My team members were lazy in finishing their works. I also had done nothing until today. In the evening, when I was returning from my prayer, I saw two ABG members. According to the rules, we should greet; otherwise, I didn't want to do that.

The girl: "You should wear your pin."
Me: "I don't have a pin."
The girl: "Oh, I remembered it. You haven't gotten a pin yet."
...
Me: "I may drop."

Me: "I wanted to do that last night, but I thought it is better to think more about it."
The girl: "Did you tell G...?"
Me: "No, I will do that later."
The girl: "Why? Don't say that you don't have time. It was not your type?"
Me: "No, I have my own reasons. I had some goals that I couldn't meet anymore. The reason that I joined ABG is not there anymore."
The girl: "What do you mean?"
Me: "I don't mean anything. I had some goals that are not possible to achieve them there anymore."
The girl: "uhmmm... Was it being with friends or something?"
Me: "Sometimes."
She looked at the other boy and said, "I knew it; I knew it; Let's go," like a detector who solved a problem. "What's happened?" the boy asked her while leaving me. They even forgot to say good bye to me. That was so weird. I have never expected her to say that. Probably, it was because Luna was different and girls were jealous because of her astonishing beauty. I should write something and explain them why I am going to drop before they judge anything.

I was gloomy all the day. All awesome feelings that I had these a few weeks had gone. I even didn't want to talk to anybody. I became a reserved aloof boy who needed to be alone to recover again. I came home, and I opened FB. I wanted to ask her if I could write about our chat conversations, but I don't think that I do that anymore. I even wanted to unfriend her, but I postponed this decision to sometime later. I saw Luna shared some photos being with her boyfriend in a festival, and also her best song ever:


You're happy, I'm happy. You are never going to understand me.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

End of Luna's story

I went to ABG's weekly meeting tonight. Before getting there, I had no feeling. I was neither happy nor sad. My feeling was completely numb. Luna didn't post anything for FB discussion. I didn't know whether she was going to come tonight or not.

I didn't even want to talk to none of those guys because I was so tired. "Stand in a line" the manager girl said. I was waiting to see Luna, but she hadn't shown up yet. She started to read names.

The manager girl: "Who is absent?"
A girl: "Luna"
The manager girl: "Luna dropped. She doesn't come."
That girl mumbled something about Luna. She felt sorry that Luna dropped.
"Luna dropped??? She doesn't come here anymore? She even told me?" I thought to myself.
A black boy next to me told: "Luna dropped. So, her pin goes to you." It was probably the most heartbreaking thing that someone could say at that time to me. I didn't say anything, but I got sad so badly after that.

The meeting was boring. I sent a text message to Luna to see if she was alright. "Oh I dropped ABG," she answered. ":(" I answered, and she didn't relay it. I didn't understand anything from the meeting. Some guys had speeches for elections, but I couldn't even listen to them.

In the meeting, we played a game that I forgot its name. There were some cards that had information about 5 different farmers families. Team mates should read the cards for others to figure out which farmer drives a truck and which one grows apples. It was a new game for me, and I liked it.

I was down all the time tonight. I don't know how did I drive home. I just can remember that I was trying to keep my attention to the road. When I got home, I tried to contact Luna to tell her that she was the only reason that I went to ABG. I wanted to tell her that all I wanted was to have you as a friend.

Me: "hi. have some time?"
Luna: "for what"
Me: "a few minutes chat"
Luna: "uhm sure you can IM me"
Me: "I changed my mind. Could we meet sometime this week in person?"
Luna: "no I'm sorry I am busy"

Chat Conversation End.

It was over. She didn't even want to see me. I didn't want to say anything else. I just wanted to let her know that I had something to tell her and she never wanted to hear it. Luna's story finished with a sad beautiful tragic end.

Fish Story

My fish was going to say something to me.
But every time she wanted to open her mouth, water doesn't let her to say anything.
I brought her out of the aquarium.
She got happy and started jumping up and down.
So, I decided not to put her back there.
She jumped up and down to the point that she got tired and slept.
I thought that it was better to leave her back in the water.
It has been a few hours that she hasn't woken up.
I think that she woke up, but she was angry with me, so she is pretending that she is asleep....

This is a story of some people who we like, and they like us, but they don't understand us. They treat us the best according to their own imaginations.

(Translation of a story shared by a friend)

Saturday, February 15, 2014

I am an INFJ

As a part of ABG duties, they asked us to take a test called Briggs Myers Personality Test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp 

The result was awesome. I am an INFJ.

This is something that the website wrote about INFJs:

INFJ Description

by Marina Margaret Heiss and Joe Butt
INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.
INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.
Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).
This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.
Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.
In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.
Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life.Those who are activists - INFJs gravitate toward such a role - are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.
INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden.They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress.INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless.The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.
"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led.These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time.Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.
INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.
Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.
(INFJ stands for Introvert, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging and represents individual's preferences in four dimensions characterising personality type, according to Jung's and Briggs Myers' theories of personality type.)

----------------

This seems to be very interesting. Many things were true about me. I didn't know that there were some other people who had similar personality to mine. Hopefully, I am a rare type. Then, I was curious to know what Taylor could be. I read this link to page 14, and it was incredible:

http://personalitycafe.com/guess-type/97611-lets-analyze-taylor-swift-14.html

Even though it's hard to say if Taylor is INFJ, but it is very simple to see she has so many things in common with me. Anyway, it was very fun.

This also made me think a lot. I always had this idea that all successful people had the same personality. They were all dreamers and achievers at the same time. But it seems to be a personality of a very rare type (less than 1% population). There are so many other people with other types of personality who are successful. I read more things about INFJs in other websites as well.

Friday, February 14, 2014

GALentines! I should have asked her out!

Today was Valentine's day. I needed to change my car's battery; so, I went to Walmart. He was not sure that the problem was caused by the battery or not. I asked him to change it anyway. Everything seems fine after this.



ABG members had an informal valentine's celebration for singles today. I was going to go there, but since I knew that Luna won't come today, I didn't go there. Today was the day that I could know if Luna's boyfriend really likes her or not.

I was in my office grading papers that a Chinese girl showed up. She was my classmate the previous semester. She was the only Chinese girl who I was kind of interested to get to know her. I started talking to her. We had a long conversation. We talked about her classes, my project, my TA jobs, her TA jobs,... It was her last semester, and she was expecting to get a full-time job offer from a university.

...
Me: "Are you from China?"
She: "Yes, I am."
Me: "I thought that you were from Korea."
She: "Why?"
Me: "I had this rule for myself, a cute Chinese is a Korean! But it seems that you are an exception."
She just laughed. She couldn't say anything else.
...

She stayed longer than I expected. I don't know if she expected me to ask her out or not. I was thinking of doing this during our conversation. "If we go out tonight, she may expect me to kiss her after that or go to her place or my place and sleep together, and I am not this type of boy." I thought to myself. In fact, it was the only reason that I hadn't asked her out tonight.
Before she leaves the room she asked, "When are you going to leave?"
Me: "I have so many papers to grade. I should stay here to finish it."
She: "But it is Friday night."
Me: "It is Friday night, I know. What can I do? It is Valentine's day, but what can I do?"
And she left the room.

When she left me, I had this feeling that I should go after her, and ask her out. She could be my valentine, and she was the only person at that time that I was interested to be with her tonight. She probably could come with me because it was Valentines, and it could be a life-changing event. I had all these things in my mind, but I didn't do that. Maybe I had this in the back of my mind that it was not fair that Taylor be alone and I go out with another girl.

Jeeraj came to my office a few minutes later. He invited me to a Valentine's party at the university. I finished my job in an hour, and I went to that party with Jeeraj. It was, however, very boring. They had only Indian music. They were all Indian students. Two girls asked us the address of that event, and they joined it later, but we didn't want to be with them.

I invited Jeeraj to go out. We met another friend, who was with me in that Hookah night, in our way to the parking lot, and he joined us. We went to a Mediterranean restaurant.


I ordered something that was new, and it was kind of weird, but I liked it. I forgot its name.


It has been a year or more that I hadn't had a sausage sandwich. So, I also ordered a sandwich.


And we also got some Baklava.


I was thinking of her the whole night and even before sleeping. I could buy her flowers from Walmart and we could go to the same restaurant together. We might find something to talk about it there. I really regretted that I didn't do that.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

A day with friends

Today was a busy day. I couldn't start my car, so I went to school by bus, and I arrived late. After class, the professor talked to my team members, and I hope that they change their way and listen to me.

I was in my class that I got Luna's message in my FB. I can't say how much her message made me happy. Even though her message doesn't mean anything, but I knew that she could never message me. I can't wait to see her again.

I went to Henry's home tonight. Martin, his wife, her pretty daughter and Hansen were there. Martin's wife had cooked a yummy food that we ate together.


Kids, it's very good to have good friends who don't leave you alone. I talked about ABG to them, but they got me wrong. They thought that it was an Evil-worshiping group!!! It was so funny.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Feeling tired

I thought that I may have Luna as a friend. Although she is far from my perfect friend, but I could learn many things from this friendship. However, it seems that it really doesn't work out. I had a chat with Luna two nights ago, and I sent her the Broath video for her to make her laugh, but she left the chat without answering me. She never expressed anything else after that. She is not online anymore like before. She is online for a few seconds and leave very soon. I wish she could say something. She really doesn't like me.

I am so tired today. I stayed at home working on my project. This is not what I was looking for. I am far far away from my perfection. I am doing well on my project, but not in my life. Honestly, I am sick of this. I am listening to Shajarian today, and I am thinking of what I wanted and what I am getting these days.

My car got frozen tonight. I wiped the windshield while the AC was on, and it turned out that the battery went off.


A Chinese boy helped me to get home.


Tuesday, February 11, 2014

A comedy show in the university

It was a comedy show in our university tonight. I met two of ABG members tonight in the line. There was a black girl and an American-Iranian boy whom I met the first night in ABG.



"Hi, V.. " I said to that girl, but she didn't answer me. It was very rude and impolite. "Why didn't she answer me?" I asked myself.
Me: "Hi M.. How are you?"
He: "Hi. I'm good."


I had a very short conversation with that boy, but that black girl was very unfriendly to me. She started to talk very slowly to that boy. I could hardly hear her, but I heard some sentences.
"And my name is V.. that's why I didn't answer him," she said.
"I am sorry, I forgot your name. But you two look alike!" I said, but it made the situation worsen.
"Because we are both black? She is even from another country. She is ugly," she said while she was looking at that boy.
The boy smiled, but didn't say anything.
"Do you like it if I say that you two look alike?" she asked that boy.
"We do look alike! We are from the same country." I said, but she didn't like my answer.
She started mumbling something that I couldn't hear it. I thought that she saw me as an intruder there. She had a chance to go out with a good-looking boy like M..., and I could ruin all her plans by sitting next to them.

"I think that I should to the end of the line there," I said.
"No, you can stand here if you would like to," that boy said, but he also had this preference to leave them alone.
"Thanks. I prefer to stand at the end!" I said, and I left them.
"I didn't want to sit next to them. I didn't even want to enter the line from its middle. In addition, the other girl was ten times prettier than her in my eyes." I thought to myself while leaving them.

A pretty girl was sitting near me in the show who was with her friends. Her guy friend laughed the entire show.





The show was a kind of shock for me. I couldn't understand more than 50% of it. It was a lot. I could see some other faces that they were like me. However, there were so many Americans who laughed at every joke that he said. His jokes were mostly about Racism (insulting Indian, Chinese,...), sexuality, politics specially Obama, TV ads, US stores like Chick-fil-a,... and one joke about Muslims. I don't like to write about it here. I understood that Americans still have racism in their inner levels (hidden layers) of their society.




It is true that it was a comedy show, but it was no fun for me when he started to make a fun of Indian accents. Anyways, I never enjoyed the same comedy shows in Persian. I prefer a comedy with a deep long lasting impression on someone's personality in a good way. The only positive thing was that I figured out I can't understand African-American people's accent.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Funniest night ever - The Broath

I was very unhappy since morning. I missed the last night's meeting, and I was reluctant to join Alpha Beta Gamma (ABG). In addition, I understood that Luna was never gonna like me; so, why should I waste my time joining such a fraternity? I worked on my project since morning. I got a message from a member of ABG asking me to be in their tonight's ceremony. I had no idea whether I should go there or not because I knew that Luna was not going to be there as she was in the previous night's meeting. "You go to the ceremony first; then we have our weekly meeting. So, everyone who was here yesterday would be here again tonight," said she. I don't know what was the reason of my happiness. I was tired and unhappy, but I felt very good after this. Hoping to meet Luna probably made me so happy.

I was out that they asked those who missed the previous night meeting to enter the ceremony. Unfortunately, they didn't let me to write anything about it. I took some pictures, but they asked me to delete the pictures as well. Since I promised to keep everything as secret, I can say here only that it was as funny as The Broath (How I met your mother, Season  Episode 19). I was laughing all at the ceremony, and it was close they kick me out.




After the ceremony that I can't talk more about it here, we came out. I was in the aisle that Luna showed up. She smiled at me while going to sit on a bench lonely. I smiled at her, and I looked at her eyes for a second. Although her smile was a fake one to be socially correct, I liked it. She is not a good smiler!

Later they called everyone to stand in a line ordered by alphabetically. I was too shy to stand near Luna, but our family names were close to each other. I think that she understood that I didn't feel comfortable standing near her. I was thinking of a way to hide my discomfort that a boy who came late stand between me and Luna. Then, they checked our clothes. Luna had a comfortable shoe.
"You should wear a formal shoe. I know that you know it; it happens," she said to Luna.
"You should wear a tie," she told to me.
I wish I could wear that white shirt with my tie. They looked better, but right before coming to the ceremony I figured out that I couldn't wear that white shirt because it was not a match to my suit.

We entered the room when she finished checking our formal attire. We entered the room with the same order. That boy sat between me and Luna. The program was to have candidates for the available positions withing fraternity. One could nominate himself or others.

"I nominate Luna to be the president," a boy said from my back. I couldn't see his face. "What a stupid boy," I thought to myself. It was obvious that he was very interested in Luna. He also knew that Luna was way above his league. I had this feeling that he was the same guy who said a very impolite word in the "A minute to run" game night.
"I respectfully reject," said Luna.
....
"I candid Luna to be the vice president," a girl said after a while. Luna rejected it like before. "Come one, I don't like to be responsible for anything here. I am not interested at all," Luna thought to herself. She didn't want to get any position there. She didn't even nominate anybody. For the first time I figured out what Taylor says when she says: "You had it figured out since you were in school. Everybody loves pretty; everybody loves cool." Luna was definitely that Ms. popular.

Then, they asked everybody to introduce themselves and say something interesting about themselves. I really didn't want to say anything about myself. I am a very deep person that I can't explain myself in a few sentences. I didn't even want to reveal anything to these guys before knowing them. "The interesting thing about me is that I am an interesting person," I said, and everybody laughed.
"... An interesting thing about me is that I triple times went to the study abroad program previous summer," Luna said haughtily. Then, I heard a voice like "wooooo" from the girls who were sitting in the room. They all wished they could be in Luna's shoe. "وایی خوش به حالت."

"Oh my God, look at this kid!" I thought to myself, "people ask me why do I think that Taylor is so different; Taylor with all those honors in her life that makes her probably the most successful woman of the US is still more humble than a girl who visited a few countries more than her classmates." I don't say it is not interesting that she has visited several countries even more than me, but showing off such a thing to others is not interesting at all.

"I went to China triple times the previous summer," that boy said. I didn't look at him, but I knew that he was the person who nominated Luna for the president position! "These kids! Where am I?" I thought to myself. They are acting very childish. For the first time I understand that what a measurable life a pretty girl like Luna can have. It is like being a lamb between a horde of stupid wolfs.

I was more than happy the whole night. I can say that this night was probably the most unique and unbelievable night in my whole entire life. I can describe my tonight's happiness at all. After years, I found someone who brought a cool breath in my heart again. I wish there would be no end to this feeling.

When I came back home I was still up about tonight's Broath! I chatted with Luna.

Me: "Hi. Why hadn't you told me about the induction? It was close that kick me out of the ceremony."
Luna: "I'm sorry, but they announced it to everyone. They also told me when they called me"
....
Me: "Have you ever seen The Broath?"
Luna: "...no."
...
"Wait *"
It took me five minutes to find it in the Internet. Then I sent her that YouTube video. I wanted to make her laugh, but she never answered me. Perhaps, she left the chat or she didn't like.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Shopping and Nothing

I went to a shopping mall from the noon to buy some formal clothing for today's ceremony in Alpha Beta Gamma. Since my old suit was not my size anymore, I needed to buy a new one. I wanted to look my best to impress Luna.

I went to a mall close to my house, but it took me seven hours to buy a suit and a shirt and a pair of shoes. I didn't want to spend that much time, but it was hard to find my size.



It is very hard and almost impossible to find a good shoe in the US. I always have tough time finding something to buy.



I had a plan to go home soon to be prepared for tonight, but it was late. So, I directly went to the university. I changed my clothes in the university, and I went there. It was almost 7:05 that I got there. I couldn't find the place. I saw another boy who couldn't find that place as well. He had a phone number, and he called one of the members. She came to see us.

She: "Since the ceremony is already started, you can't join it. Maybe we have another ceremony tomorrow, maybe we don't. I don't know. You came late, and I can't let you in. I was here at 7, and you weren't. Even for a formal business meeting, people show up 15-20 minutes earlier."

So, we left there. I felt very unhappy. These guys are trying to pretend that they are professional, but not only they are not but also they are rude. I called them in the morning and left them a voice message asking to send me the room number, and they didn't even return my call. In addition, we were guests but a formal business group member. Nobody prevents a guest to be in a ceremony because of being late. In fact, it is a very impolite behavior to invite someone and don't let him in because of being late. Even they didn't do a formal invitation asking people to come earlier or whatever. I canceled my plan going to Googoosh concert tonight because of them and ...

It seems that God saved me again! I went to the prayer room and said my prayer after that. Sometimes God doesn't let me do something, and it takes time for me to understand why. Tonight was one of those nights. It took me ten minutes to find my car in the parking lot since the mall was big. Then, my phone rang when I was driving to school. I didn't answer it. Then, it rang again. I thought that it might be an important called. I pulled over my car to answer it. It was Nancy. She was going to schedule her driving test tonight. I talked to her for a few minutes until she booked her appointment. It seems that the universe planned this for me to not to see Luna tonight purposefully. I don't know why.


When I came home, I chatted with Luna to see if she was there or not. In the meanwhile, I liked her new profile photo in Vienna. I also uploaded two of my Vienna photos to its comments.

Me: Hi. What's up?
Luna: Getting ready to hang out with friends, you?
Me: Not much. Did you go ABG ceremony tonight?
Luna: Yes I did, didn't see you, did you go?
Me: I came late because I couldn't find the place, and they didn't let me in. I had a ticket for a concert tonight, and I canceled it to be there, and ...Where are you going?
Luna: Ohh okay gotcha. Just to my girlfriends place
Me: Good. Have fun!

And Luna didn't say anything after that. I am so tired, and I am seriously thinking about not joining Alpha Beta Gamma. Luna was the main reason to go there, but it is not like before. I don't want to be her boyfriend's rival. I know that she doesn't like me as much as I like her.

Why you are so perfect?

Whenever Taylor shares a new photo of herself, or I read an article about her, a question comes into my mind: "Why is she so perfect?" I can't even imagine that someone be as perfect as her.

"About to fly to Berlin. Just relaxing on this comfortable couch at the airport..."
http://instagram.com/p/kHHbkRDvIB/


Friday, February 7, 2014

He has a part of my dreaming life

I was very tired today, but an Iranian boy who needed to go shopping called me. So, I asked some other people to come with us going to Walmart. Then, we went to that Masnavi meeting. We went to someone's house who had a part of my dreaming life. His wife was an American (maybe Russian-American) woman. They had one or two adopted children, and God had given them their own child a few months ago.
His wife is a very good person. She has a pure and clean heart. That man himself is a very knowledgeable person. They have a very happy life together. Their little boy was very sweet. He came to me several times tonight and talked to me. He was very comfortable with me. He couldn't even speak Persian.

The boy: "Is it Persian music?"
His father: "Yes."
The boy: "I like it."

He had a part of my dreaming life, but I want more. Much more.


Thursday, February 6, 2014

Luna likes me?

I was bored last night. It has been more than a week that I had no contact with Luna. I decided to tell her indirectly I am thinking about her. I opened her profile, and I liked one of her photos in Vienna. When I opened my Facebook tonight, I saw she has changed her profile picture to one of her photos in Vienna. Does she like me? Maybe. She is such a naughty girl. However, it is not, the first time she changes her profile picture to her older photos in other cities. So, I can't be sure about it, and it is what she wants. Maybe she is going to break up with her boyfriend soon. Maybe it was just a coincidence.


I will join Alpha Beta Gamma this semester

I received a call today from Alpha Beta Gamma that they accepted my application. Their first session (seems to be a ceremony) is this Saturday. I don't have any formal clothing. My old suit is not suitable because it is too loose (I have lost more than 20 pounds last year). I need to go and buy another suit. Tomorrow is a career fair in my university, and I don't have a suitable resume.

I got a ticket for Googoosh concert on Saturday, but I guess that I won't go there. I just need to find someone to give my ticket to him. 

First driving in snow experience

I woke up in the morning, and I saw snow covered the whole town. It was amazing. I drove my car to the school today. I drove 10-15 mph for more than 25 minutes. My car skidded several times, but nothing happened. It was such an amazing experience that I really enjoyed watching the scenes and driving every moment of it.










I went to school, but the professor cancelled the class. I came back early to prevent another unwanted accident :)

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

First Toastmaster speech and so many compliments

I had my first Toastmasters first speech today. I talked about myself as my ice-breaker speech. They loved it. They laughed at all jokes that I said. These are just a few compliments that I got:












I also talked about my previous blog and one of my readers who told me that it was the best thing that she had ever read after Harry Potter!





I am so happy about it. Will she think the same?

Mark Zuckerberg is a Swiftie :)

Today was Facebook's 10th Anniversary. I saw Zuckerberg's profile by chance and I saw Taylor Swift in his limited list of music interests. Mark Zukerburg is a Swiftie. Really?


I can't believe that 10 years have passed. Where will I be ten years from now?

Beautiful rainy day

It was rainy today. I can't say how awesome it was. I really enjoyed it.





Luna is not mine :(

Today was a very sad day. I figured out Luna is still dating his boyfriend. They were together since 2012. I thought her boyfriend had dumped her, but I was wrong. He had updated his profile, and it shows that he is still here. He also liked one of Luna's recent posts. In addition, I and Luna are very different from the cultural point of view (drinks, tattoos, boyfriends,...) All good feelings that I had these days vanished so fast today. I just stepped back to that depression again. I knew that she was a trap. I knew it causes me pain again, but I don't know why did I take it.

I also have some issues with my team members in the only course that I have this semester. They don't listen to me. Even when I am 100% sure that they are wrong they don't want to listen to me. It is bad because it is a team-work and the grade will be based on the team performance. I am very unhappy that I took this course this semester. I wish I had dropped it the previous week.

My research project was suspended for more than a week because of grading so many homework papers the previous week. I am bored with all these grading things. I hate wasting my time on something that I don't really like. Tomorrow is my first speech in Toastmasters, and I couldn't prepare anything. There are so many pressures on me again. I read some articles about using twitter to connect to a celebrity, and I figured out that there is no way to get in touch with Taylor this way. I don't know why everything goes wrong all at once. 

Monday, February 3, 2014

Grading homework during the whole week

I couldn't do anything for my project this week. I had so many papers to grade. My TA jobs this semester are at least as twice hard as the previous semesters. I also spent a lot of time for my only course. It is because its professor asked us a very hard project that I had never done anything similar to it before. It requires lots of hardware knowledge that I don't have. That's why I needed to search the Internet all the time to find something there. It is completely obvious that working on something that I don't like makes feel bad, and when I work on my project, I have very good feeling.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

A chat with a very old acquaintance and lots of nostalgy

I had a very long conversation with an acquaintance who there was no contact between us for more than 8 years. She was in our team when I was studying my bachelor. I had completely forgotten her. I can't believe it. It was like yesterday that we had a discussion about our team with her. Now, she is married and she has a four years old daughter who looks very similar to her. She became so happy when she heard I am in the US. Kids, life is short. You forget everyone earlier than what you think.

Later I started to remember my childhood. I spent so many hours the day after that conversation to find some nostalgia from that time.



I found a website and several Facebook pages, and I remembered so many things that I had forgotten.

http://www.zamanema.com/

This was our best series when I was a child:

http://www.zamanema.com/index.php/video/450     (Even though it is not English it's worth watching).

If you really like to see some of my past favorite shows, you may also watch some of the videos from this page http://www.zamanema.com/index.php/fatv/welcome/search/videos/4/1 (Google Translate English)