I texted Shani today to go out together. I wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend. I even planned to go to a tom-thumb store and buy her some roses, too. I wanted to take her to a good part of the city in a very good restaurant.
Me: Would you like to go out for a dinner tonight?
She: I prefer to go working out together.
Me: OK. I am busy now, but I will be available in the evening.
She: I am also busy today.
Me: So, let me know.
She didn't call me until 8:00 pm. I said my prayer until 8:20 pm, and then we met.
Me: Do you want to go jugging now?
She: Yes.
Me: I am tired. Don't you want to go to a restaurant?
She: OK. (She didn't try to change my mind) Do you let me drive?
Me: Yes.
She: Wowww. Thanks.
We needed gas; so, we went to a gas station first. I looked at my clock. It was almost 9 pm. All restaurants that I knew were open only until 10:00 pm, and it took at least 30 minutes to get there.
Me: I wanted to go to a good restaurant, but they are all close at this time.
She: It's your fault! I had nothing to do from 6:30 pm.
Me: Really? So, why didn't you call me then?
She: I had been waiting for you to call me!
Me: I didn't know that.
She: Let's go to Chili's. It is open until 11:00 pm.
Me: We were to Chili's.
She: But I like it so much.
Me: OK. (At least, it is a place that you like.)
I don't like to try the same restaurant again and again, but it was the only place that we knew it was open until 11:00 pm. In addition, I needed some time to be prepared to tell her. So, it was a good idea to be in a restaurant that is open more than others. So, we went there.
She: I am not hungry. I just want to order a drink.
Me: I am very hungry. I haven't had anything since morning. Why don't you want to get any food?
She: I am not hungry at all.
Me: Please order a food. I can share mine with you, too.
She: No. I don't want. I would like to order a Martini.
Me: Why? (Is she crazy? I asked her out to talk to her. I don't want her to be
...
She didn't get any food. I wanted to pay for her food, but she didn't want anything.
Me: Don't you want to taste my food?
She: No. I am good.
Me: Do you like your drink?
She: It's nothing. It is just lemon juice with a little alcohol. I don't drink much. I hadn't ordered a drink since last year.
Me: So, why did you order a drink tonight after a year? (Stupid girl! I wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend, but now I can't. First, I don't want to talk to you when you are not sober. Second, I wanted to make tonight an awesome night. You just got a drink and nothing else.)
...
Me: So, how is your work?
She: It's boring.
Me: Tell me more about your job. (Stupid girl! I want to talk to you. I want to have a good conversation. It seems that you are not interested to talk to me at all. Whatever I say you answer with a quick response that is impossible to be continued. What do you want?)
She: I just do research.
...
She made a something with the strew of her drink that was funny, and I laughed at it, but it sounded to me like a sexual innuendo. I don't know if she did it purposefully, or she just wanted to show me something fun.
I looked at her. It was like that she knew that I wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend. I thought to myself: "It is like that she wants to sleep with me tonight, but I can't understand why she was that selfish. It sounds to me that she wants me for her joy for one night. I don't want this. I want someone whom can love me, and I can love her even though we can't marry. She even didn't care anything about me. We are out together to talk and have a good time, but it is like she is not with me. All she wants is me to ask her to be my girlfriend because of her selfishness. She even ordered a drink to make a mood for herself. I want a girlfriend, but I am not looking for someone who doesn't love me. If she is that selfish, I can't be with her. Let's make tonight not a date night. I can ask her some time later."
She: OK. Let's go.
Me: Don't you want to sit and talk more?
She: No. What can we talk about? There is nothing. Let's go.
I wanted to talk to her, but she was not interested. I thought: "I wanted to talk to her, but how? What if she thinks that I asked her tonight because she had a drink? What if she slept with me tonight and tomorrow will blame me because of asking her in a time that she was not sober? No, I can't do that tonight. She didn't even talk to me. Let's think that she is not interested in me. She just accepted my offer because I helped her a lot. What if I am wrong with all my feelings. She just decided to spend some time with me and leave me as soon as possible. I don't know. I feel that she knows it, but I may be wrong. So, let's go."
Me: You can't drive because you are drunk.
She: Oh,... I made a big mistake. I wanted to drive myself.
Me: Sorry.
Waiter: Your bill sir.
Me: (Oh, I don't want to pay for her drink. I never pay for somebody to do something to hurt herself. If she ordered a drink, she can pay hers. I would like to pay for her food, but I don't want to pay for her drink at all.) wait wait... We wanted separate...
The waiter left, and didn't hear me. I felt that it was unexpected for her. She expected me to pay for it, and I asked for a separate bill.
She: Leave him. We can pay it separately here (pointing to the device on our table).
Me: umm... I didn't know that. OK. Let me try.
And I paid for my share.
She: (If this is what you want, I pay for myself, but you will pay for it! You asked me out and forced me to pay for it. I regret going out with you.) Oh, my drink costs as much as your food. (I didn't know that you would do this to me. Now, I have to pay $10 for just a drink)
Me: You shouldn't have ordered a drink. I told you to order a food, but you didn't listen to me. (Sorry, it doesn't change anything. We were friends together, and we went out now, and everybody should pay for himself/herself. It was not a date, and I didn't ask you on a date. I can ask you out sometime later in a great restaurant that I like, and I can pay for it then if you don't get a drink! I can ask you to be my girlfriend at that time)
(It is very bad that I could hear her inner voice. Isn't it? :))) Maybe it was all in my imaginations)
We got into my car. I drove toward her place.
Me: Do you want to hear a music?
She: Yes. Definitely.
I played some Dean Martin's songs in my car, and she loved it. We were close to her place that I decided to think more about telling her tonight or not. "I asked her out tonight to ask her to be my girlfriend. I may not find her again. She may not have time to go out with me. In addition, tonight was not really fun. It could be, but it didn't happen. Let's go to tom-thumb, and I will think more about it in our way."
Me: Don't you mind if you drive back to tom-thumb? I want to buy something.
She: No. Good. (very positive attitude)
...
Me: You ruined our night (because you ordered that stupid drink and didn't talk to me)
She: Why do you say that?
Me: I wanted to go to a better restaurant to have a good night together.
She: It was a good night. I had fun.
Me: I wanted something better.
She: Don't be picky. It is hanging out, and I enjoyed it (I am telling you that I enjoyed it. Ask me to go to my home. What else do you want?)
Me: (Really is it hanging out? I didn't feel anything. It was just stressful and full of stupid voices of your thoughts in my mind) Do you have a fever?
She: I feel warm, but no.
Me: Let me see.
And I touched her forehead and cheek and then her neck.
She: (don't touch my face. You are not allowed...) I told you that I was good. ( Let him touch. I was going to sleep with him tonight)
Me: But you drank a lot.
She: It was not a lot. I am good.
I didn't want to see if she had a fever or not. I just wanted to test her to see if she let me do that or not. She did. She got a little uncomfortable, but she didn't have any reaction. I read in the Internet that if a girl let you touch her neck, she is very into you. This is not a part of the body that they let anybody touch. I just wanted to make sure that she liked me.
She: Why did you turn here?
Me: Don't you mind if I stop my car here for a few minutes? I am sleepy, and I need to rest.
She: (dazzled) No.
I changed my path several times because I was confused about what to do. It was weird, and I knew it, but I had no other choice. I had no back-up plan for tonight. All my plan was to ask her out for a good dinner and ask her to be my girlfriend, and I never expected her to order something that I can't pay for it and act like that I feel not being loved by her. She completely ruined all my plans.
I pulled over my car, and I started to think about it for two minutes. I couldn't think while I was driving. I thought : "In one hand, tonight is a good time to ask her because I have this feeling that she really expects it and wants it. On the other hand, it is not because she is drunken, and she has a valid excuse for tomorrow to blame me asking her in a bad time. It was probable that she invites me to her place if I ask her, and I don't want to go that fast. In addition, I didn't pay for her dinner, and it was not a special night. She may even reject me. Why should I take this risk of being rejected in such an uncertain situation? No, I don't do that. Let's take her home!"
Me: I changed my mind. I don't want to buy anything. I will go shopping tomorrow. Don't you need anything?
She: No. I don't.
Me: So, Let's go home. I am tired.
We talked about some video clips that I had shared in my FB. She also talked about a music video of minions that she loved and encouraged me to go and watch it later. I had this feeling that she just wanted to be socially correct. She wanted to kill me inside, but she was pretending that she had a good night, and everything was alright. She tried to stay a few more minutes with me to make me sure that she was OK with everything that happened tonight.
Me: You ruined tonight. You should have called me earlier. You didn't even order any food.
She: It was a good night.
She left me, but I had this feeling that she was angry. I heard her angry thoughts: "F... You asked me out and you made me pay for my drink. I ordered a drink to have the romantic mood of being with you, and you left me alone. Go away. Let me go to my bed and sleep. I just want to forget tonight, and I will never go out with you again."
Me: I come with you to make sure that you get there safe and sound.
She: No. I will go myself. You go home. (Just go. Leave me alone. We are leaving, and you still don't want to tell me. You killed me tonight)
Me: I will watch you from here.
She: No. Don't do that. OK. Bye.
Me: Bye.
I looked at her, and she walked to her place. She didn't even look back to see if I was watching her or not. She looked angry to me. She didn't even thanked me for tonight (honestly, I didn't expect it after all these things!) I sat in my car for fifteen minutes to think about everything that happened tonight. Kids, in a nutshell, I asked a girl out, and I made her pay for it, and left her without telling her. This is how I was (or still am!). Don't do that. Kids, if I hadn't done this tonight, she might become my first girlfriend and some day your mother!!!
