Tough days

I had so many tough days these days. It was mostly because of what happened between me and Ann. Kids, when you are living outside of your born country, you become more emotionally vulnerable. It happened to me these days. I even couldn't sleep some nights to the morning

I tried to distract myself by working more on my project, and watching more Taylor's videos and reading more about dating a celebrity. I tried to be more alone. I didn't go anywhere for new year celebration. I tried to be more with others. I tried everything that I thought it might be helpful. It helped, but not that much. I had these moments that a drop dripped down my cheek feeling no one could understand it.

I really tried to forget everything. It was not because of Ann. It was because of myself. In fact, if she was not dating anybody, we still couldn't be together because of so many reasons. I know that it was something that should happen. It is true that it is very rare I see a girl who I really like, but I am pretty sure that I can find someone better than her. I missed Taylor so much. I wish she could be the fearless Taylor again.

I feel that I am less religious in comparison to a year ago. It maybe because I didn't spend enough time for it. I didn't even read Masnavi since last year. Or it may simply because of living in the US. I don't know. I need to recover myself again. These days will end soon, and they will bring their memories with them. 2013 is over. I have a great hope that 2014 is going to be a great year.

Empty Cafe

I went to the university today to help some of Henry's friends. It took over four hours to help them. Considering the travel time without a car, I spend six hours for them. I went to the cafe, but nobody was there. No one comes there anymore that I wait for her a whole day just to see her once.

Taylor Swift Leads The Way In The List Of Charitable Stars

I read some news about Taylor tonight. I heard that she was the most charitable star in 2013. You are always awesome.

"On the back of arguably her most successful year as a recording artist, 2013 has also seen Taylor Swift give, give and give as she was crowned the most charitable star of 2013. In the 'Top 20 Celebs Gone Good' list compiled by DoSomething.org, Swift was crowned the most giving celebrity of the year by the non-profit charity group following a year of helping the under-privileged." source

I read that she gave lots of money on her birthday. I decided to do the same from the next year. I would like to give instead of getting gifts. I loved Taylor's birthday photos.

I also loved her photo with her brother. I am so grateful that I saw somebody like her in my life.

Dream about going back to Iran

I saw a strange dream several times this year. I see I go back to my home country, and I see my mom. I hug her. I talk to her. But when I want to come back to the US, I remember that I have forgotten to schedule a visa appointment. Even I have forgotten to get required documents from my university. I start thinking of how can I go back to continue my PhD, and I wake up.

This time my dream was such realistic that I couldn't figure out that it was a dream. I woke up in the morning, and I was thinking of how I could go back to the US. Then I saw my bed and my room; a few seconds later, I remembered that I was still in the US. In fact, I had never gone back home!

I saw her boyfriend tonight

I don't know what's happened that I decided to see Ann's Facebook tonight. She had updated her status to in-a-relationship. I saw her boyfriend's picture tonight. I was the same guy who were studying chemistry together. For the first time in my life, I regretted that why I didn't like Chemistry. Since I saw that boy several times before, I knew that he was by no means better than me. I just can say Annnnnnnnnnnn........ and you can say "I know, I know." while you don't know.

You could most likely date a celebrity

I took a test to know whether I could date a celebrity or not. Here is the result:

You most likely could!

You could most likely date a celebrity. You like your privacy, but you're fine with getting attention. You're fine with getting attention drawn to yourslef, as long as it's for good things

http://www.quibblo.com/quiz/169ZAZL/Could-you-date-a-celebrity

(The picture is not me definitely :)

Her father had bought her so many gift

When I went back home, I saw Reyna was there. She was opening her Christmas gifts. Her father had bought her so many gift.

Nothing is like seeing a kid happy in the world.

Denny's breakfast

One of our friends invited us to a breakfast to talk about a project they had. We went to Denny's today.

The diversity of breakfast options surprised me. I didn't know it was possible to get so many different things for a breakfast. In addition, most foods came with a kind of meat, and I don't know why.

I ordered a pancake with some eggs. The coffee was better than the food, though.

A surprise from my professor

My professor invited me to a Greek restaurant tonight. It was my first Greek food. My professor suggested me to get Pyrogrill. It was something similar to Doner kebab. I talked to him about the project and the future plans for it. I am so grateful that I have such a good person as my professor.

Professor: Holidays are the worse time of the year
Me: Why?
Professor: Many international students get depression.
Me: You are right. I got it the previous year, and I have a kind of depression these days, too.
Professor: You need to go out and get sunlight. Sunlight can really help.
Me: I will do it.

His wife also cooked me some delicious cakes. I really like when somebody surprises me. I don't know his wife; I don't even see her once in my life; I just know that she is a doctor working in a hospital. But she cooked me cakes. That's so nice of her!

Chirstmas shopping for Reyna - Kroger

Henry called me today to go for shopping. I didn't need anything, but I decided to go with him to buy something for Reyna. We went to Kroger near the post office where Henry wanted to get his items. It was my first time in Kroger. It has been more than a year and half that I am in the US, but there are so many things around me that I haven't experienced them before. Kroger was a more expensive shop in comparison to Walmart and Target.

I really liked those socks. They were so cute. I wish I had bought one of them.

I bought some Christmas gifts for Reyna tonight.

Ann has a boyfriend now

These days, I had this hope that I would see Ann after holidays and would try to be her friend again. However, today when I opened her profile, I saw that she uploaded another photo. It was a photo of Christmas lights asking "GF?"  She commented it as  "... today was pretty perfect #datenight" That boy did what's he should do.

It is over. She definitely said yes to this guy. He is so creative. He just asked her in a way that she couldn't say no. By the way, Ann expected him to be her boyfriend. It was a very sad moment for me. I couldn't sleep the whole night thinking of what's happened. I couldn't even see her before her getting a boyfriend. I couldn't let her know me. What I learn is that this is how to get an awesome girlfriend. Let her know you, and impress her by your creativity.

I am in second grade only

I talked to Reyna about Ann.

Me: "So, now tell me if she will talk to me again."
Reyna: "I don't know."
Me: "Why don't you know? You are a girl. You should know these things."
Reyna: "But I don't know. I am in second grade only."

I am just thinking how awesome is Reyna.

How was it?

This is how she expected her boyfriend look like.

This is how I asked her out.

I watched so many YouTube videos and read so many articles

I decided to upgrade my knowledge by reading articles and watching YouTube videos. The best video series that I watched was this one: How To Be A Real Man by Jad T Jones I recommend everybody to watch this series at least once. Jad looks like my cousin. Although he couldn't help me to get Ann, it reminded me many things that I knew and I forgot.



I also read almost all articles related to dating in WikiHow website. I just wanted to know that what went wrong. These two articles were the funniest one:

How to Date a Celebrity
How to Date a Software Engineer

It kills me how creative these people are. They made specialized dating advice for different professions and different cultures and so on. In short, any problem you think that you have, there are some howto articles in this website for it.

Finally, I figured out what was the problem. These advises are only for those who are going to get a girlfriend. They ask you to ask 10-20 girls to get one. Come on, I haven't seen 10 awesome girls in my whole entire life. How can I ask 10 of them out and expect one to answer me? OK. So why their approach works? It is because when you ask 20 girls, finally, you find a girl who was disparately waiting for a boy to ask her out. They tell you "How to get A girlfriend." They never tell you "How to get THE girlfriend."

I figured out an strange rule. "You can't do anything regarding a girl unless she wants or expect you to do that." For example, you can't ask a girl out unless she wants you to do that. You can't touch a girl unless she wants you to do that. You can't be a boyfriend of a girl unless she expects you to be.

However, there is another rule that is  "Time is the main factor changing a girl's desire and willing. Time escalates a girl." If a girl doesn't want something, the only chance is to try to change her mind by letting her thinking about it by spending time with her. If I wanted to be Ann's boyfriend, I needed to spend time with her. I needed to be her friend. Let her know me, and let her think about being my girlfriend. The more time one spend with a girl, the more probable that the girl thinks about him. It is really doesn't matter who you are. You might be the worse person ever in the world. That's why there are stories of girls who fell in love with their kidnappers.

I watched Crazy Stupid Love

I watched Crazy Stupid Love today. It rented it using Google Play (3.24$). It was the first time that I rented a movie from Google. It was, however, a good experience.

This movie freaked me out more. I don't want to have such a loosely coupled family. The wife cheated on her husband. The husband cheated on her wife. A player sleeps with a girl every single night. A teenage girl wants to sleep with a father of three kids. A thirteen-years-old boy thinks about sex with another girl and calls this LOVE. Oh my god, what kind of life is that? I hope it to be only in a movie. I was thinking about all these things while I was watching it.

OK. Let's talk about the related parts of the story. The story is about a man who has a relationship problem with her wife. A womanizer sees him in a bar and decides to help him. He thinks that the man is not a real man any more because he has forgotten how to be a real man. They go together and buy so many new clothes. He helps the man to upgrade his appearance.

After that, the man sleeps with any other girl in the bar whom he wants to.

I liked one part of it.
The womanizer: "Are you Steve Jobs? Are you a multi-billionaire CEO of Apple company?"
Man: "No."
The womanizer: "So, you don't have a right to wear these shoes."



The important point here is that Steve Jobs was allowed to wear whatever he wanted to. I think that it is easier to become a new Steve Jobs instead of becoming a womanizer. I know that my friend wanted me to learn how changing style can help a man to get any girl, but I got another point.

I liked this sentence: "You are a perfect combination of sexy and cute :)" This is exactly what I should have told Ann. I decided to say it to every single girl that I see from this day forwards. It also showed me how stupid girls could be. She wanted to sleep with a womanizer just because of not getting a proposal from a guy. I hate womanizers, but I think that some girls are really deserved to be treated like that.



Another point is that I really need someone to help me to do that. I talked of this person more than a year ago in my previous blog. Angelina was supposed to be her, but she couldn't. Ann was a much better choice, but she was such a good girl whom I decided her to be more than a friend to me.

That boy bought her a ring

I checked Ann's profile again today. I saw that she uploaded a photo of her hand with a new ring commenting "Early Christmas gift ..." and hashtag "I Love You". It was not a good news. I don't know who bought this for her, but she mentioned a name of a boy there.

This had so many sad meanings. It meant that the boy bought this for her to get her. It also meant that he can see her outside school. He also knows how to get this girl. This meant that she loved it. This meant that she loved the boy. This meant that they gonna be together even before I see her again.

A conversation with an old friend

I had a long conversation with one of my friends today. I talked about Ann to him. I was just super confused about what happened between us. There were so many things in my mind that I needed to discuss with somebody. Ann was a kind of girl I really liked, but I don't know if she was a good choice for me. Cultural differences, religion and so many things were barriers seems to be higher now after I saw Ann.

I had a feeling similar to Tom when he saw all those animals switched (Switchin Kitten Watch from 7:00). I don't know if it was only because of Ann or it was because of seeing that girl with that Indian boy.


Me: "Do you think that I can live with someone like her?"
Alen: "Yes. Why not?"
Me: "She is much younger than me. Cultural differences..."
....

Alen: "She knows that she is very unique آس".
Me: "She is unique for herself."
Alen: "No. I mean that's the problem. She knows it very well."
Me: "Don't you see all these problems I told you?"
Alen: "She is so proud of herself. Look at her gestures in her photos."
Me: "Yes. Her photos are like a super model's photos."
Alen: "She is sociable only because she is so beautiful that attracts people."
Me: "Maybe. So what?"
Alen: "She is spoiled, I think."
Me: "I don't think so. I talked to her in person. She is not spoiled at all."
Alen: "But she is so cute (ملوس = no translation for this word!)"
...
Alen: "I think that you should change your style. Have you ever seen Crazy, Stupid Love movie?"
Me: "No."
Alen: "So, watch it. You have nothing less than others. I think that the only thing you need is to be more stylish. You have a simple style, and you like stylish girls. Watch that movie to understand what I am telling you. If you listen to me, I help you to get Ann."

....

Alen: "That awesome girl whom I talked to you is still single."
Me: "OK. Let me see her photos first."
Alen: "I give you her Facebook profile. She is like an angle. She is very gentle. She has awesome parents. You deserve someone like her. She is unique and kind like you."

I saw her profile, but I didn't like her. She was a depressed girl.

Me: "Look at her photos. She has so many cold and sad photos. You can't find a photo of her laughing. Compare her photos to Ann. You can't find any photo from Ann in which you can't see all her teeth. "

I always had this mind that my friend knows a girl that is awesome. He talked to me about her several times, but I have never seen her. We had a long conversation about the qualities a girl should have. Since he was married, he had a better understanding, but I had my own criteria.

Very very sad days

When I woke up in the morning, I was calm. However, it doesn't last. I started to listen to some songs that I haven't listened to them for many years. It caused me to go back to years ago when she broke my heart that bad. My heart started to bleed again. I can't believe it that after all these years, this happened again. I experienced the most serious emotional crisis during the last five years. Things that happened between me and Ann caused me to remember all the things that I tried to forget all these years.

I don't know why did I do that to myself again. I let a girl to be a part of my life to break my heart. I thought about so many things. "Why do I like her? Is she really what I was looking for? Didn't I let any girl to be in my life to be with someone like Ann? What about cultural differences?

I couldn't see her today

I was awake until 2 am to see all Ann's photos. It was unbelievable. She had more than 600 photos and they were awesome. I knew her better than any other person by just looking at her photos. She was exactly as awesome as I thought. She was a kind of Taylor by reading all those crime books, and being so playful and happy all the time. She was like super models in her photos. I even saw her previous boyfriend, and her interests, and so many other things.

During the day, I was unsure to meet Ann. I didn't even go to the library. Since her exam was late in the night, I just wanted to give myself some time to think about that I was going to do. I wanted to work on my project, but I couldn't because I couldn't concentrate on it. I walked in the hallways and open environments of the university for at least two hours to get relaxed. It was a very hard decision. Finally, I decided to talk to her. It was my last chance to see her before holidays.

I couldn't find that exam sessions list, but I went to a place that it was more probable to see her there as her classes were there. I entered the room. There were more than 250 students in the room. I tried to find Ann there. There were only four girls with hair color similar to her, and none of them was Ann. Ann was not there. I didn't know where I could find her. I even couldn't enter another room because the exam was started. I got disappointed, and I went back home. The weather was very very cold.

When I went home at night, I was so sad. I started to cry and fight with God because of Ann. "Why should I see her in my life? Why didn't you help me? ..." There were so many thoughts in my mind, and I was just complaining to God because of everything that happened between us. I cried to the point that I couldn't remember when I fell into sleep.

What???

I had a conversation with Jeeraj about a girl who was in our class the first semester.

Jeeraj: "What are you going to do during the holiday?"
Me: "Nothing. Working on my project only."
Jeeraj: "Don't you want to find a girl?"
Me: "I tried, but I couldn't."
Jeeraj: "Why don't you ask that Iranian girl in our class out?"
Me: "I don't know. I may do that :)"
Jeeraj: "Could Muslims have a relationship with Hindus?"
Me: "No. Maybe only other Muslims or Jewish or Christians. Why are you asking?"
Jeeraj: "I think that she is dating an Indian boy."
Me: "It's none of my business."
Jeeraj : "Yes. But since you said that you might date her, I wanted to tell you. I saw her several times with an Indian boy. I saw her late in the night in that boy's apartment. They were alone. I even saw them dancing together very closely."
Me: "Wow. No. I am not going to date her. It's her life and I don't want to hear more."
Jeeraj: "Yes."

That day I saw her with that Indian boy. It was very weird. "We have an exam tomorrow," she said. "OK. Good Luck!" I said. I saw them several times again that day. I don't say that I didn't like her, but it was super strange that I saw her with that Indian boy. They had nothing in common. She had nothing to do with my story, but I think that this event had a little impact on me later.

Talking to Jeeraj

Jeeraj had invited me a few days ago to his graduation party in the dining hall. We had a conversation about his graduation and his future plans. I met him unexpectedly tonight again. I talked to him tonight about Ann. I told him the story.

Jeeraj: "You have made a big mistake. Girls are very delicate. You should have been friends friends."
Me: "I wanted to be her friend only. I mean that I like her, and she could even be my girlfriend, but not now. I just wanted to be her friend now."
Jeeraj: "So, you should have said this."
Me: "OK. I didn't do that. Do you think it's over now?"
Jeeraj: "I tell you, it is better to talk to her once again, and tell her that you wanted to be her friend only. You should tell her your intention. She may feel insecure about you because she doesn't know you."
Me: "I may see her tomorrow."
Jeeraj: "Do you know her name?"
Me: "Yes."
Jeeraj: "OK. I can find her email for you."
Me: "How???"

And Jeeraj found her profile for me in the Internet. It was amazing.
Jeeraj: "I don't suggest you to email her. Just go and talk to her in person. It is different."
Me: "OK. I am going to do that tomorrow."

Jeeraj also found me all chemistry exam places in the university. There were more than 9 places in the university that had that exam in the same time tomorrow.

Don't even talk to me

I haven't seen Ann since our last conversation. I thought that it might be a good idea to talk to her again. I knew that she didn't have a boyfriend, but I didn't want to see her got one after holidays. I knew that there might be a boy that was her classmate, and she might expected him to ask her to be his boyfriend. So, I wanted to do my last try.

Even though I didn't have my car, and I didn't have anything to do in the university, I went there everyday just to meet Ann. I just had a conversation with my professor one of the those day.

I met Ann today in the library. I was looking good enough to be confident to talk to her. She came there to get some coffee. I waited to see her.

Me: "Hey.."
She: "Hey..." (Oh my god, this boy again. Let's run away.)

She started to run up the stairs. I ran after her.

Me: "Excuse me. ..." (She is just running. She hears me, but she don't want to stop and talk to me.)
Me again: (Louder) "Sorry..." (Wait. I am serious to talk to you.)
She looked back and saw me, and slowed down. She ran all four stores of the library during our conversation.

Me: "Hi. What's up?"
She: "Hi. Nothing."
Me: "I just wanted to say sorry because of that day."
She: "No problem. I was just waiting for someone who didn't come. A complete waste of time." (Don't even talk to me. You are wasting my time. There is no way that we could be together.)
Me: "Is it your last week in this semester?"
She: "Yes. I am done with my computer lab course, and I don't think that I get this course again next semester [the things that you are interested in, and I don't like]." (See that we don't have anything in common. Now go.)
Me: "How many exams do you have?"
She: "Only one."
Me: "What course?"
She: "Chemistry."
Me: "Chemistry? But I think that you don't know anything about chemistry. Do you?"
She stopped for a second, and asked me very seriously "what do you mean?"
Me: "I mean the Chemistry between you and me."
She : "What?"
Me: "Never mind." (She don't even get my humor. I wanted to say something to make her interested, She: "But I think that I am doing pretty well in this course. I really like it."
but she really didn't want to even talk to me.)
We were in front of the door, and she wanted to enter the library study area.
Me: "When is your exam?"
She: "Tomorrow, and my friends are waiting for me."
Me: "But I want to talk to you."
She: "I told you that I have a boyfriend." [There is nothing to talk more about it.]
Me: "So, what?"
She: "My friends are waiting for me?"
Me: "You think that I saw you that night for the first time, and I just came and asked you..."
She: "I told you that we started dating a month ago."
Me: "He found you one month ago, and I found you two months ago. So, I found you before him." (Kids, I am not proud of what I told her. I wish she could laugh at it, but she didn't. She was very serious with me and she didn't even want to show me any kind of interest)
She: "They are waiting..." (I don't want to listen to you. Nothing to even talk about it.)
Me: "What about tomorrow after your exam?"
She: "We will see. waiting..." [BIG NO] (She just didn't want to leave me impolitely. She did her best to act respectfully.)
Me: "OK. I got it. At least tell me your name."
She: "My name is Ann. It's nice to meet you." (I don't know if we had a hand shaking or not. My mind was just obsessed to find a way to talk to her.)
Me: "I will see you tomorrow after your exam. OK?"
She: "They are waiting..." [You don't know what time and where my exam is. OK, but you can't find me, and I am pretty sure that I won't see you again tomorrow.]
Me: "OK. See you tomorrow."

I came downstairs to work on my project, but I couldn't. She did everything to avoid me. She didn't even want to see me. I really really like this girl, but she just wanted to show me how disinterested she was. The most caring girl that I have ever seen cares only about her friends and doesn't even care a little about me. I sat at the library for a few hours, and I couldn't do anything.

End of the semester

Friday was the last day of my classes. So, I am done with this semester. I just need to pass two other courses to finish my course work. I will take one of them in the next semester and the other one in the last semester. I am satisfied from my performance regarding the courses. I passed all my courses with grade A (except one B+ in the first semester). I am done with the qualifying exam. I also found a direction toward my thesis, and I hope to define a good problem statement in the next semester. I have a good professor. I didn't find him, but he found me. So, from academic point of view, everything seems to be alright.

I am going to change my major again. I promise that this time it is the last time that I do this in my life. In fact, I have no other choice. I don't want to get extra courses to remain on this major. It is not a big deal, though.

I have a kind of boyfriend

I was very tired because I couldn't sleep well that night. It was, however, needed to go to school and finish the project of my course. The due date was this Friday. "I may see Ann today. Let's go and take a shower and shave before going to school. No way that I see her today. It has been two months and I couldn't see her anywhere alone. Even if I see her, I am not on mood to talk to her." I thought to myself.

I went to school by bus after I left my car in that body shop. When I enter the department building, I saw Ann alone waiting for someone there. "Oh my God, she is here, and she is alone. It is the last week of the school, and I may not see her again. Let's talk to her. At least, I may get a good friend and forget everything that happened." I thought to myself.

Me: "Hi."
She: "Hi."
Me: "I thought about your project, and I figured out that you didn't do it right. Instead of that 'and' you needed to use 'and'."
She: [Really? I didn't understand it.] I submitted it yesterday, by the way.
... (trying to explain something about the project.)
She: Thank you for your explanation.
Me: What is your major?
She: I study biomedical.
Me: (Oh my God, she is a doctor!) Is it in this department?
She: Actually, I don't know. I haven't had any course related to my major yet.
Me: What courses did you take this semester?
She: Computer lab, Chemistry, (I can't remember the other one).
Me: (Look at her eyes. They are green and so beautiful. Look at her. See is just awesome.) Are you going to take more computer classes next semester?
She: I am in the waiting list of Computer lab 2.
Me: (Nobody gets the course in the waiting list here. Awful, I won't see her again the next semester.) (A little silent) Sorry, but can I ask you out sometime?
She: (A little silent) (Huh? Let me see you again. I kind of like you, but ... NO. I am not interested in you at all. آخه چرا اینطوری؟ این چه وضعشه) (shaking voice) I have a kind of boyfriend.
Me: (She has a boyfriend? No. I know that she doesn't have. Why didn't she like me? I shouldn't have ask her like that. Is she lying? No, I don't think so. She might be interested in someone. Let's ask her.) What do you mean by a kind of boyfriend?
She: (Shaking voice. Please don't ask me anything else.) We just started dating recently.
Me: OK. When do you break up?
She: (Confused) I don't know. I usually date for a long time. I expect it last a long time.
Me: Call me whenever you break up.
She: (Smiling)
Me: See you.
She: Bye.

"Why did you let her go. Why did you ask her like that? You even forgot to give her a compliment. You could say what a beautiful eyes you have or any other things. There are so many things awesome about this girl." I thought to myself. A boy came after her. "Is that her boyfriend? I wish I could talk to her one more time. I just want to be her friend. I didn't want to be her boyfriend now." I waited for her to be alone again, but she left the department with that boy. I waited more than two months to meet this girl in the best possible time, and I met her in the worse possible time ever. In fact, no day in the whole year could be as bad as today to ask Ann.

Kids, the last thing you wanted to do after an accident and not sleeping a night is to go and ask the girl of your dreams out. Don't do that.

I talked to Henry about it.
Me: "I just wanted to ask her to be my friend. I didn't mean to be her boyfriend now. I may see her again today. Do you think it is a good idea to ask her to be my just friend?"
Henry: "No. Usually, it is something that girls ask boys when boys reject them. Even if she become your friend, she never consider you as a boyfriend. She goes out and hang out all the time with her boyfriend, and you just regret this."
Me: "So, what can I do?"
Henry: "I think it is better to forget her. After several months, you may ask her again."
Me: "I waited for her two months, and I just ruined everything in a few minutes. After several months, she will definitely have a boyfriend."
Henry: "You can't do nothing now."
Me: "Do you think it's over?"
Henry: "Yes. I usually don't allow a girl to talk to me like that. What did you ask her that she said something like that."
Me: "I just asked her out."
Henry: "You shouldn't have done this. At first, you needed to be her friend first."
Me: "How? I couldn't find her anywhere else. I just met her in the library and the cafe while she was spending her time with her friends."
Henry: "That's why I am telling you that you can't get a girl like that."
Me: "You are right. But in the university groups, there are not so many girls like her. I can easily get a friend there, but I can't get an awesome person like her."
Henry: "There are so many girls like her."
Me: "The problem is there are not. What can I do with this girl?"
Henry: "Nothing."

I was hoping to see her again for her computer lab tonight, but there was no class. I may never see her again this week or this semester.

3000$ damage

I drove my car to a body shop near my house. As far as I figured out in the Internet, they just needed to change the hood and bumper. I checked the price, and it was less than 500$. I showed my car to the body shop to ask them if they can repair it without using insurance. "Oh man, it's bad. At least 2000$, I say 3000$ costs to repair it. It's better to call your insurance." He said. I called insurance, and asked them to come and see the car. I asked the body shop owner to call me whenever they came. He said, as soon as the adjuster came and saw your car, we start working on it. It takes one week to ten days to fix it. I decided to leave my car there to be fixed.

One bad day - Second accident

The beginning of the day was very bad. I missed my morning prayer because I slept late in the night. It made me really sad. It was rare that I missed a prayer since I came to the US.

 I could go out of my house today after several days. It was still cold, but most of the ices were melted. I went shopping in the morning. I was unhappy because of my car. A small part of it was fallen down the night before these three days. I don't know what had been happened to it, but it was not really important. I went shopping in the morning, and I went to school after that. I tried to find Ann in the cafe or library, but she was not there. I missed my class because I was in my office, and I completely forgot that I had a class.

The whole day, I tried to finish grading the projects. One student was really worried about failing in this course. I calculated his grade by the end of the day, and I told him that he would pass the course. I came desperately to the lab, but she didn't come today at all. I felt depressed again. I stayed in my office and played chess. I also finished grading those project papers. It was 10:45 pm that I decided to go home, and I was tired.

It was cold. As soon as I came out of the department building, I started shaking because of the cold. I walked to my car, and I saw that the front windshield glass was completely frozen. I tried to clean it, but it was impossible. It was that cold that I couldn't even stay out of the car for a minute. I stayed inside my car and turned the air conditioner on. It couldn't really help. It takes time for my car heater to work. I didn't know what to do. I decided to call Martin to help me. Suddenly, I remembered that I had some water in the trunk. I opened the trunk, and I found the gallon. It was frozen and solid like a stone. There was, however, a little water on the top of the gallon. I spilled it on the windshield and tried to clean it. I couldn't clean it completely, but it was OK. At least, I could see my front now. I drove toward home.

In the way, all of the sudden, the front windshield glass became less clear and less clear. I was in the middle of a 4-way, and I stayed behind the signal lights. I slide down the windows to see my sides. I could see only blurry lights in my front. I saw the signal turned green. I didn't know what to do at all. In one hand, I couldn't see my front. On the other hand, I was in the middle of a 4-way. I decided to drive very slowly toward a gas station in the corner of the 4-way. It was the worse decision that I could take in that moment. As soon as I turned toward the other street, I became completely blind. There was no light in the other street. It was only darkness. I could see absolutely nothing in my front. I watched my sides, and I tried to align my car toward the road that I turned into it. I was in the middle of the 4-way, and I became completely hopeless. I couldn't turn back, and I couldn't see my front. Any moment the other cars could come from the side and hit my car.

I drove very slowly to keep my car away of the other cars. All of the sudden, my car hit a column in the middle of the road. I couldn't believe it. It was another accident. I didn't know what to do. I just reversed the gear and drove my car toward the other side of the street. I still could see nothing. I turned to the first street. I found a light there. I took off my car to see what's happened. When I saw the damage, I just got disappointed. "I lose this car in these cold days because of nothing." I thought. It was very cold. I tried to take a picture, but I couldn't keep my hand on the camera because of the cold. I cleaned the front windshield again, and I drove home.

At night, I was very sad and disappointed. "I really didn't want this to happen. I shouldn't have stay that late in the university. I shouldn't have drive my car at all. Why didn't I stay behind the signal to clean the windshield there? Could possibly somebody hit me there? What if I hit a pedestrian?" I thought to myself. I sent SMS to Martin to talk to him and became a little relaxed, but it really didn't help me. I cried a little, but I couldn't sleep until 4 A.M. because of those thoughts. I just wanted to figure out how could I prevent it, and what else could I do, but I couldn't do anything. What's happened is happened, and I can't return to the time before the accident. I tried to see accident location in Google Maps, and I tried to figure out how much does it cost to fix it.

Severe whether condition and three days stuck in home

These days are crazy cold. The university is closed because of the ice. I just stayed in my home to work on my project. This week is my last week and I can do some rest from the next week. This project is super boring. I just work on it for one hour and I can't continue. So, I play chess and start to work on it. I got Sleep deprivation these days, and I couldn't sleep well. One night, I stayed up to 4 A.M, and the other night I was awake until 6 A.M.

The last day, I went out to take some pictures and enjoy winter.

There was also electricity problem in our house. I plugged off my laptop to prevent any possible damage to it. So, I couldn't work enough on my project. We didn't have electricity for a few hours and I got some sleep. Henry also called me and said that many places didn't have electricity these days. Some of our friends got a hotel room to stay nights there because of it. I really wanted them to come to my house, but they already rented that room. I couldn't even see Reyna these days because of the weather. Her father couldn't go out to bring her here.

So many emotions after meeting Ann

Tonight, I experience so many emotions after I talked to Ann and came home. I couldn't sleep until 3 am. I couldn't stop thinking about her. In my fantasy, I was playing with her hair while she was resting in my arms. She can be my girlfriend. She really can. I really have feelings for this girl. It has been years that I couldn't trust any girl, but she... she is different.

I didn't know that meeting her in person causes an emotional surge in my inside. Talking to Ann was just like a storm in me. I listened to this song so many times tonight:


Then, I remembered those days when I saw Taylor for the first time. I watched some video clips of her when she was only 16. How awesome was she. I just wanted to know how different could Taylor and Ann be. They are very different. Taylor is awesome in one way, and Ann in another way. Taylor is very far from me, but Ann is here. I just can stare into her eyes now, while I may never see Taylor.

I met Ann in our department

I go to my university cafe and library every day to see Ann and talk to her. Everyday, I try to look at my best, and find her alone and ask her out. Today, one super strange thing happened. I couldn't find Ann in the library and cafe again and I went back to my department to work on my project. I decided to check the lab first. Unbelievably, I saw Ann in our department's computer lab. It was weird because I have never seen her before in this lab. I decided to sit there to have a chance to talk to her.

One of her friends sat next to me. I asked her about the lab, and she said that it was our class every Monday and Wednesday. I couldn't believe it. Every Monday and Wednesday she was in our department, and I could see her for a very valid reason and develop a great friendship during the whole semester, but I didn't know that. I was thinking about these things that I saw that Ann raised her hand up. She had a question. "Oh my god, I can go and help her." I thought to myself.



I helped Ann with her project. I tried to stay cool, but I was nervous. I don't know if she understood this or not. For the first time, I could see her that close. She was even better than what I had in my mind. I tried to explain the project to her, and how to solve it. I also looked into her eyes a few times, and I saw how amazing are they. I couldn't believe it. She was here all the time, and I was looking for her in some other places. I answered her questions and went back to my desk.

I tried to ask her friend some questions to know more about the course they are enrolled in, but her friend thought that I might be interested in her (not Ann) and she tried to run away. I wanted to talk to Ann after the class, but she left the class with one of her friends and I thought that it might not be a good idea to show her my interest now. At last, I could talk to my beautiful lovely girl. She left the lab without even looking at me. During our conversation she was so serious and she didn't even try to be playful with me. So, I thought that she may really didn't like me. By the way, I had a very good reason to talk to her next time that I could see her. I could ask her about her project. This made me so happy.

Beautiful Autumn here

Here Autumn is so beautiful. The trees have many different colors. I really enjoy walking in the street and around campus.