Homeless - Looking for a new home

I went to my apartment's office two days ago, and I filled the Move Out form. I need to find another home for my fall semester. I am planning to go to a travel in August and return in September. So, I can rent another place from September and save money for those days that I travel.



I went to a beautiful district yesterday to inspect a house that placed an ad in criagslist. The houses of that area were amazing. There were lots of beautiful houses and it was a very quite area. I was excited at the beginning, but when I found that house, I got disappointed. It was the worse house in that area. They didn't have any tree in front of the house, and didn't care about the lawn. It sounded to me that they are a very poor family that can't even take care of their house environment. So, I changed my mind and didn't call them at all.

I wish I could find a good place before moving from my current place.

It is fun to watch How I Met Your Mother show

I registered for a NetFlix account a few days ago, and I started to watch a show named How I Met Your Mother. The story is that someone talks with his children about how he married their mother! In each episode he tells a story of his experience with a girl. It is very funny.

Hopefully, NetFlix has subtitles, and I try to find all the meaning of the expressions that I don't know. There are more than 30 new expressions in each episode for me. I expect to understand speaking English better after watching the first season of this show.

Learning new words and expressions is awesome in this way. I can learn them in their context, and since it is funny, I can easily memorize them. 

he said that we have saved two lives

I talked to one of the students that were working on the project that I was going to work on it for my research. He said that we have saved two lives during the trial process of our system. I can't wait to work in this group. I would like to save people's life. I can't describe my feeling when I thought about this.

I bought a new cell phone

I changed my cell phone after seven years. I had a Sony Ericsson K750 that I bought with my first wage, so I liked it so much, and I didn't want to change it at all. However, I was going to use more advanced options like Google navigation when I bought a new car. In addition, it needed to focus on Android application for my future, so it was necessary to buy a new cell phone. I bought a Samsung Galaxy S3 which is one of the best Android cell phones in the market. The only problem that I saw in it was its temperature. It gets hot very soon.
I am against changes most of the times, but I need to adapt myself to changes. However, when I decide to change something, I change everything completely.

A french man selling his cell phone

I decided to buy my cell phone from an individual seller using Criagslist website. A new Samsung Galaxy S3 costs more than 580$, but I could find several of them for about 350$. I just called one of them, and I went to see him and his phone.

It was far from my apartment, so it took me two hours to reach there by bus. He was a car dealer. At first, he was not really sincere about his cell phone. He had bought it a few months ago, but he had said that he got it recently. In addition to that, he had used it heavily from the morning until night. He wanted to buy a new iphone, so we went to his friend's shop. His friend didn't have a while one, so he couldn't do that. He asked for other options, but there was no option for him, so he told me that he couldn't sell it to me today. It was raining, and he left me in the rain without any apology for wasting my time.

He was a French man. He had a big house, but it wasn't a warm and friendly house. He told me that he was living with a woman that was just a roommate. He showed me some of his cars. He only had BMW, and Land Rovers. I asked him that why he didn't have a Toyota. He replayed that it is because of their customers. They are mostly Pakistani, Indian, ... and they don't pay the price. They want to have a car for free! He told me that he buys cars 2000-2500 less than its value from auctions, and sells it through Criagslist website for 1000-1500 more. I didn't like his cars. They were all in black or dark colors. Japanese cars are less expensive for repair.

He offered me to go with him, and buy a car from Auction. This way, I could save lots of money. However, when I saw that he is not a caring person, and he didn't respect my time, and didn't sell me that cell phone because he couldn't live without it even for a few hours. I decided to forget him forever. He definitely didn't want to help me to buy a good car. He just gave me this offer to delude me to come back tomorrow. He could come to my place tomorrow, or at least give me a ride to the bus station, but he didn't do that. I don't like to interact with these selfish people.

We were driving in a crowded street that a car stopped near ours. The driver was a middle-age woman. He said, "this city has many pretty women". I disagreed with him, but he continued his words. "These women are ineffable. They just want to marry a rich man and divorce to possess half of his wealth. That's why the divorce statistics are high here. They are all materialistic more than you can even imagine. They do everything to take your money off your hands." he said.
I thought that how bad it could be when women don't marry when they are young, and they try to get money by deceiving unmarried men. Hopefully, I am not rich, and I can find someone who likes me just because of me and nothing else.

By the way, it was the first time that I was going to buy something from an individual seller. It was an awesome experience. Knowing other people, their life styles and their concerns is an incredible experience. I understand that it is very hard and time-consuming to buy something like that. I spent lots of hours to go there, but he didn't sell it to me because he doesn't have any other phone!

Wasting time on buying a new car

I wasted lots of time to find a good car these weeks. I searched and searched and searched, but I couldn't find anything right for me. I found a white Toyota Camry 2007 Hybrid, and I called the dealer, but he had sold the car before I call him. It was the most amazing car that I have ever seen during all these months looking at criagslist to find one. Being a perfectionist sometimes causes lots of problems.

important factors:
Price: reasonable (I was looking for something near 12000 to put a decent downpayment with finance options)
Toyota: more reliable and dependable, cheaper repair
Camry: more specious and comfortable (in comparison to the compact ones like Corolla)
2007: A little older to be less expensive
Hybrid: fuel efficient
Millage around 100,000mi : still in good working condition
White color: Looks more beautiful (can be used as a car for marriage!)

less important factors:
Leader seats: Easy to clean
Bright interior color: Gets more lights
Tilted windows: more privacy
Rear spoiler : doesn't look like a bald car!
Sunroof: fun!

I know these are too many factors for a used car, but I found two matches for it. They were even more than my expectations: Keyless entry, Navigation system, Premium Sound System,...

That car was really perfect for me, and now I can't find its clone. He had sold the car for only 11500$. Later, I have found its clone for about 14000$ which is lots of money for me now. This one had even more options like Aluminium wheels, etc.

Unfortunately, I can't buy it because it is too expensive.

I talked to my brother today, and he told me to buy a less expensive Camry. I can find cheaper non-hybrid ones for the price that I can afford. I wish I could buy one of those hybrid ones. I was thinking that this Camry is the best car ever that he suggested me to finance a new Chevy Camaro 2013.

I just got surprised by its look and price (23000$). This car looks awesome. It is very expensive for me now, but I may buy it someday.

I had never known that buying a car is such a time-consuming task. I spent lots of time to find a right choice. I wish I had money to buy that Camaro. I am going to go and see some cars this weekend.

Noooo way

I went to Natalia's office today and talked to her.
Natalia: Where do you want to go for the summer.
Me: I will go to San Diego in August.
Natalia: That's great.
Me: Thank you. You were supposed to help me find a girlfriend. Don't you?
Natalia: Are you done with your qualifiers?
Me: Yes!
Natalia: This is summer, and I think that it is better to focus on your research. In fall, you will have more time. Isn't it?
Me: Maybe. I don't know. But you said to me you will do it for the summer.
Natalia: Oh, OK. What you are going to do this summer?
Me: I am going to do research with Prof. []
Natalia: I see. He had a good PhD student, and she is still in our university. She is a very good girl. Do you know her?
Me: No. I don't know her.
Natalia: I know her. You should see her. She is a very good person.
Me: But I haven't seen her yet.
 Didn't you find anybody here?
Me: No. No one.
Natalia: OK. I will try to find someone! What kind of girl do you like?
Me: Kind? I can show you her picture.
Natalia: Do you have her picture?!
Me: Yes. Just go to Google Images and type "t" and select the first item.
Natalia: OK. I don't know how to do that. Do it yourself and show it to me.
Me: Here it is.
Natalia: NOOOOOOO way. Not this girl. [she just got very serious when she said this]
Me: Why not?
Natalia: No. Don't even think about her. You can't do that. Let me show you. See this long list. See how many boyfriends she had.
Me: She just had a few.
Natalia: I can't help you with her. No way. She is a kisser. She kissed many boys. I don't think that you have kissed many girls.
Me: No. I didn't. In fact, no girl. But she is a good person.
Natalia: Yes. She is a very nice girl. But... So, what are you going to do? You want to go to her record and talk to her?
Me: I have no idea.
Natalia: Do you want to go there and tell her, do you marry me?
Me: I can't do that.
Natalia: So, what are you going to do? She is even taller than you.
Me: I know.
Natalia: You shouldn't find a girl like her. You should marry someone in a normal life. She is into dancing, party, drinking,... Can you live with such a girl?
Me: I don't know.
Natalia: I can find her clone for you.
Me: Clone? What do you mean by clone?
Natalia: Someone similar to her.
Me: Even in personality? I like her personality.
Natalia: Yes. She is nice girl. I can find someone similar to her. At least now I know your taste. We will talk about it later.
Me: OK. Thanks.
Natalia: I have some tasks for today.
Me: OK. So, see you. bye

I had a very strange feeling after this conversation. She just took it very seriously. Even inside me takes it seriously annd I don't know why. I came back to my office and listened to State of Grace after that.

Ryan left me

Ryan left me a few days ago. My apartment's rent is high for me. I am considering to move somewhere else as soon as possible. The lease is in my name, and I need to wait until August. I found several rooms in large houses. Although they are far from my university, but I think that living there is more exciting. I don't need to sign a year lease, and I can easily move from there to other places. The rent is also more affordable.

I visited some other parts of the city for cheaper apartments, but they were wracked. It doesn't worth to pay less money and live there. I wish I could find a good family to live with them. It would be great if they have kids, and I can play with them.

The problem is I need a car to move anywhere else. I don't have a car, and it is hard to buy one. I searched the Internet a lot, but I couldn't find what I really like to buy. I found three of them, but they were very expensive that I can't afford. I have no idea whether should I finance a car or not.

Planning for the future again

I thought about the tasks that I need to do for my future, and I created a list for it. These are daily activities that I would like to do:

• Studying bible (1 hour)
• Working on my entrepreneurship project (as much as possible)
• Working on my research
• Watching A movie (2-3 hours)
• Playing games (1 hour)
• Studying algorithms (2 hours) to get a good internship for the next summer
• Writing my blog (1 hour)
• Exercising (1 hour)

Unfortunately, I can't do all of them in a single day. I need to select between them and choose some of them for my day. I have no idea about my research project in the summer. I talked to my professor yesterday, and he asked me to meet him the next week.

Decision about getting an internship in a top company

I was a hard decision to plan for entering a top company here in the US. Their positions are very competitive and my previous experiences are useless for them. I am proficient in C# and other Microsoft technologies; however, the top companies ask for algorithms and problem solving. It will take lots of hours from me to get prepared for their interviews. Nevertheless, I decided to study algorithms from the beginning because nothing sounds to me as exciting as working in a company like Google. This experience can not be achieved elsewhere in the world. So, it is very tempting to experience it. I need to spend several months to study all stuffs and I may fail in that. However, I think that it would worth if I can get a job there.

Although it sounds to me that it is against my goals of being an entrepreneurer, I think that the connections and people that I will find there can't be find elsewhere. So, I made this decision to spend some of my time, and improve my problem solving skills. In addition to that, I will try to play chess in order to improve my brain's power.

You should be there

I always had no idea that why people go abroad for education. Isn't it possible to learn everything online? However, now I know that it is impossible to learn everything from online courses. Classes are not really important, but the experience is great.

Private talks
A few days ago, we had a talk from someone who came to our school from IBM. He discussed about the future trends of the IT market that they evaluate through their research centers all around the world. I learnt many things from him. The fact is his talk was private, and he said that distribution of the presentation to the public is prohibited. I have participated in several talks like that so far.

Top professors
I had courses with several top professors in these two semesters. When they were talking about their experiences, I was sure that no one else in the world has such an experience similar to him! As a result, I learnt their area very well.

Life experience
Things that I experienced during these months that I was here were amazing. I experienced lots of new cultures, and environments. This helps me to have a better understanding from the world and its rules.

Life opportunities
Lots of opportunities are available here in the US. I can work in some areas that no other country has its knowledge and technology. It would be such a great experience for me if I use it.

I just think that I was wrong about online learning for international students.

Likes dreams come true

My professor called me a few days ago, and we went to a healthcare center in a nearby city. We went there by his car, a Mercedes Benz.  It was like a big company. An old lady accompanied us there. Then a nurse joined us. We had a meeting, and they discussed about writing a grant for NSF. I think that I will see that nurse again, and I will work with her more closely in the near future. She was one of the key persons who tested my group's previous works. She was a little mysterious, so I liked her.

I may work on heart diseases later. It likes that dreams come true. I will work on something that was impossible to work in my home country. Something that may benefits people. I always wanted to be in a place that I could help people. I hope to be able to work with them.

One awesome day in Six Flags

My friend and I went to Six Flags after our last exam. The only thing that I can say is it is impossible to have such amount of fun in a single day elsewhere. It was just awesome. We bought a ticket for the whole day and played from the morning to the evening. It was one of the my best days in my entire life. I even take some terrifying rides that I have never used to take because of my fear. But this time, I closed my eyes and enjoyed them. However, It was terrifying even with closed eyes. I enjoyed Superman Ride better than others.

Six Flags park was very different from the parks that I saw in Vienna. There were lots of more rides in Six Flags, and more enjoyable. 

No more exam for this semester

Finally, this semester is finished. I have no more exams. Qualifying exams were very easy for me. I studied for four times harder questions, but they asked all easy ones. I could even pass it without studying. I am 90% sure than I will pass them, and I don't need to study them again.
I feel no stress and I am very happy about it. It seems that all of my problems were related to these exams. Now, I can plan again for summer, and things that I need to do.

Marriage thinking problems

I took all my final exams the previous week. I just need to be prepared for my qualifying exams. These days I just study for those exams. Yesterday, I discovered that people find dates in the library. I went there to borrow some books for my exams that I saw an American girl in a beautiful red dress that was looking for a book. A boy came near to her, and started talking to her. I found my books, and when I was going to leave there, I saw them talking and laughing loudly together. I noticed two other couples who got acquainted there, too.

I think that if I was in the US, I had married until today. It sounds very easy as you can find jobs and have your income and be economically independent. Even finding a good girl is not that hard. There are many of them in my university. I am just older, and my expectations are grown up with me. If I was 23-25, I could date girls easier. I think that my age has a negative effect on my feelings about the girls. Some of them sounds good to me, but as soon as I start to think living with them for my entire life, I can't continue to even think about them. I should have married sooner, but I couldn't. Now, my rationality overcomes my emotions most of the times.

Just as an example, if I was born here in the US, and I was 22-23, undoubtedly I would ask someone like Angelina to date me because I liked her. Even tough she was not a good match for me, my emotions wouldn't allow me to consider the future. But now, I can't stop thinking about the future of being with someone before liking her.

Being a perfectionist is sometimes hard to deal with. This also adds more complexity to my problems.

That American boy

I sent Angelina another message, and thanked her for adding me, but she didn't even answer this message. Today I noticed that she also added that American boy to her Facebook friends. That boy is really disgusting. He is among a few persons that I saw here in the US, and I didn't like at all. He is very bad-tempered, and gets angry very soon. He always expects people to act like what he wants. He wants to compete with anyone to prove that he is better than others (while he is not). He doesn't have a good understanding of other people, but he thinks that he has! He is friendly to a few persons, and bad with others. I don't like him, and it is good that he doesn't like either. I don't want to judge people, but his image in my mind is like that.

I don't even know what he wants from Angelina. I know, and I knew that he liked Angelina. However, I didn't expect him to do that. Angelina is so smart to know his intentions, and I don't know him better than her. I just hope not to see him again.

It is just like kid's stuffs to think and talk about them. I am much older and mature than these kids. I just wanted a friend to talk to and help me, but it sounded to me that Angelina was not a right choice from her situation point of view. I have no idea why she didn't answer my messages. Was she busy with her project? Was she expecting me something that I didn't know? Is our friendship undesirable for her? Does she think that I may play with her emotions? Does she like me more than I think? Does she really care about me? 

Angelina's Facebook

I sent her two sms messages after our last meeting. I wanted to know what did she do for her project, but she didn't answer me. I was going to add her in Facebook, but I had no English account there. In addition, I didn't want my family and other friends know anything about Angelina as I was 100% sure that they couldn't understand me at all. I don't want nobody interfere in my life and decisions. So, it took me about two days to create an English Facebook about and upload all my photos there. I wanted this account to add my other foreign friends. I am not sure whether it was a true decision or not, but I did that.

I added her in Facebook, but I had no idea whether she was going to add me or not as she hadn't answer my last messages. However, she added me without saying anything.

I went through her profile, and saw her previous posts. I expected to see a richer profile as she said that Facebook is the best way to get my news, but she had only a few posts per year. I saw her pictures, and some of them were thoroughly amazing. A professional photographer took them after her graduation. I also saw her friends, and some family members. It was a completely new experience for me as I've never been in a foreign person's profile. Her music taste was completely different than mine. Even she liked many things that I've never heard about them. The only common things between us were some Disney movies and some public figures. I understood many things about the culture there, and the relationships between friends and family members and so on by looking her profile and her friends' profiles.

I also saw her boyfriend's picture. He looked like a nerdy bad boy. It has been about a year that they were dating. So, I think that she should like him that dated him for that long time. The boy, however, seems to be very immature and not really into a real life. They may even find each other in an online game with a few in person contacts. Since it was just two small pictures of him, I can't say anything more.

Angelina's gift

Last week of our classes, Angelina's team had a presentation. Their presentation was the best among all the teams. I noticed that American boy was one of his teammates in that class. He waited for Angelina after the class, and talked to her. 

In our second class, I sent Angelina an SMS and asked her to walk with me to the parking lots, so that I could give her the gift I bought for her. We walked together and talked about the presentation. I told her that their presentation was the best among the other teams. She said that people were mean to them by asking insane questions. I felt that how different is our worlds. I felt that I am so mature that I don't care about these trivial things. So, I explained to her that she answered them very well and it was the nature of our class to ask questions.

The weather was cold, and windy. I was waiting for a better condition to give her that gift, but it sounds that the wind was not going to stop. I brought her gift out of my bag, and gave it to her. She told me, "You didn't need to do that. It was not a big deal."

I couldn't say anything. I don't know what was the reason. Was it because it was cold? Was it because I didn't know what to say?

"What should I do know? Should I open it now?" she asked.

"Yes. Why not?" I said.

And she opened the gift wrap. "Oh, that's so cute! Thank you." she said.

She became very happy, but couldn't express her feelings. I expected her to become more happy, but it didn't happen so I became confused whether she liked it or not. I was just drowned in my thoughts. I didn't know what to say to her. Maybe wind caused my breath to stop. Then she opened her hands and cuddle me while keeping her distant. I don't know what was wrong with me. I just found myself in that position standing near her doing nothing. "Oh, come on man. What are you doing? Didn't you want to hug her? So?" the thought passed through my mind. I just noticed that my hands are not around her. I opened my hands, but I couldn't cuddle her. I just slapped on her shoulder a few times while she was thinking to herself that why I did that so late when she was going to finish that hug! And it finished.

We continued walking together toward her apartment. I was thinking to myself, "Although I like her, I couldn't hug her. I am much older than her. I even don't know how to talk to her. What does she think about me? I am not going to marry her, but should I ask her for being friends?" She was talking about her project, but my mind was obsessed with those thoughts. 

"Will you come to the university in the summer?" I asked.

"No. I got an internship in [] that is far from here. It's like an old-fashioned city." she answered.

"I wish I could spend some of my time with you in the summer." I said.

"Facebook is the best way to keep updated with me. I write my status there." she said.

It was almost near her apartment. "OK. I should go back to my office." I said.

"OK. Bye." she said.

"Bye." I said.

I left her, but I was unhappy. It was such a cold conversation, and maybe our last meeting for the entire summer. I couldn't say anything that I wanted to say her. I didn't know even what I wanted to say her. I could go with her to her apartment. Why did I leave her that soon? Maybe she expected me to talk more to her? or she felt that I was insincere by giving her gifts and not loving her. Not only I lost my chance to hug her, but also I lost my chance to be more friendlier to her. I can't express my thoughts and feelings, and so does she. All these things were in my mind when I left her. I looked back and saw her leaving me toward her apartment, but I couldn't hear what was she thinking about.