Tuesday, April 29, 2014

I am unbelievably tired

These days I am unbelievably tired. I can think of many reasons. The first one is some pills that I ate for about a month and half and it had some side-effects on my body. I don't eat them anymore, but I still suffer from its side-effects. I still have pain in my side, and I don't know what is this for. It is probably because of sitting all the time at my desk. I don't want to be sick. I hope to become well again. This is probably the most important reason.

The second one is things that happened about that UCSD girl; it can't trust any Iranian girl after her; I really didn't know that I could be that wrong, and she was not the only case here. I saw another Iranian girl here with an Indian boy.

The third one was all those cheaters in the class that I was TA for; it ruined my trust to all Indian guys.

The forth one was watching something that I shouldn't watch; it feel nausea when I think about it. Even though it had a very bad impression on my, I don't like to write about it.


The fifth one is all these hard works without any break specially this semester.

The sixth is not having appropriate sleep at night; I barely sleep well these nights; I usually sleep 1 am, 2 am, and I wake up 5:30, and I can't sleep (doing nothing) until 8 am, and I sleep again until 10:40, and it is not enough; I couldn't even have my night prayers.

The seventh is that I can't fly like before. Every time I try to fly I hit the ceiling only. I can't go beyond this. It is almost three months that I couldn't have a good fly.


The eight one is that I don't feel successful; I spent lots of time on my project, and it still in its earlier stages, and it is not usable yet; I wish I could go somewhere for the summer, but I couldn't.

The nine one is that I should change my living place, and I still don't know where can I go.

The tenth is that I can't eat well these days. It is mostly because of my sleep habit. For example, today I couldn't eat my breakfast as I woke up late, and I didn't eat anything for lunch.

Eleventh is Taylor. I don't know if I should miss her or not. What if she is a lier like other girls? What if I am wrong about her just like being wrong about that UCSD girl or other girls?

And the last one is my life purpose. I think that I am far away from my life purpose now. I can't even find a direct path. I don't have any idea how to get there, and what else to do.

I really need some rest and refreshment. I can't live like this.

(Some reasons removed intentionally)

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