Talking about why I didn't talk to her
That night, I decided to text her again to see whether she really wanted to talk to me or not. I started with this message, "One day tell me why did you decide to cut our conversation, if you dont mind.
Anyway, I really didnt expect you to be interested about it. Sorry to bother you"
"Cut it? I responded when I could, phone was on silent and I don't check it much cause I don't get a lot of texts usually. Anyway if you need to text about it you can. I'm not that good at consoling people though," she answered immediately. I understood that she was waiting for it. She also had forgotten that we had an ongoing conversation. She tried to hide this by giving an excuse.
After talking about meanings of "want" and "need" and why I didn't answer her. She said, "I wasn't trying to say you were needy. Lol it was like 1am, I was not that coherent." I understood that she had an ability to put all her cuteness in a single message. I decided to continue our conversation. I pretended that I was interested in a girl, and it turned out to be a heartbreak. I didn't want to lie her at all. All I said was about herself, but I didn't reveal it to her.
Beginning of our conversation
I started to talk to her about my background, the country I grew up, and all experiences that I had with other girls. When I was talking to her, my heart was like a little kid explaining all he knew to a best friend. "I wanted this for since the very first day I met her. I am talking to a girl whom I know that understands me very well. What am I telling her? talking about my previous stupidity? Shouldn't I talk to her about all good things instead of these things?" I thought to myself while I was writing for her. I had no idea; I started something, and I couldn't change it.
"I don't understand, how did you meet?" she asked. Her questions showed me how she carefully followed all my words. I also implicitly told her about Taylor when I said, "There is a girl that I love her so much, but it's a forbidden love," but I wish I didn't do that.
...
"But she ... you can guess.", I said.
"So she stopped being friends cause she had bf?" she asked.
"I have no clue" I said.
"She might just want a bf. Or her bf doesn't like her hanging out with guys." she said.
"It's normal for people to put aside friends when they get a bf or gf," she continued.
"I don't know it. I don't even know what is a boyfriend?" I asked.
"She may not have liked you as a friend. It's hard for some people to be just friends with opposite gender" she said.
"Could you tell me please what is a boyfriend?" I asked.
"Idk how it is where you grew up but here people date first then get married. When you date and are in an exclusive romantic relationship with someone that's a boy/girlfriend" she answered.
"Oh. In my country, it is different. People get engaged and then marry." I said.
"No its opposite here, if you just marry people think it's not serious and that you will get divorced soon" she said.
...
"... friendships don't last. Especially girls, they will put love first. Is she American?" she said.
"She speaks fluently. I don't know she born here or not, but I know that she was here since her childhood." I answered.
"I think you shouldn't take the friendship so seriously, it is hard to maintain a close friendship between guy and girl when one is dating someone else" she said.
"I didn't know it. I have my friends for many years even since my undergrad." I said.
"Then I think you should give her space, she might be new at dating or just really like this guy but that means her friends will take second priority. Friends can last but it may not be that close," she said.
"I don't have many friends, but they are all good friends. It is hard for me to ask someone to be my friend. I never wanted my first experience of having a female friend be that way." I said.
"You probably just have to wait and see how she is with her bf, eventually she might be friends again. Or she might not, which means she not worth your time" she said.
"In that case, how can I trust her again?" I asked.
"It's just a friendship, don't worry so much about it. Just find new friends while she is busy with bf", she said.
"Just tell me if I did something wrong." I said.
"No it wasn't you. I would suggest just keep in touch with her like say hi once in a while but let her have space and have fun dating her bf. Np it sounds like it's all on her end not yours." she said.
"Do all girls who have bf like her? Is it common here?" I asked.
"Yes that's what people do here especially at high school or college age, we don't usually think about marriage until after graduating" she answered.
"Do I expect something strange?" I asked
"Idk personally I don't have that many lasting friendships. The only ones I have had for years were with girls" she answered.
"You know most of the students here are in the marriage age, and they may all prefer to have a boyfriend like her. Do I have an unrealistic expectation to be friends with them?" I said.
"No it is an individual choice. Some people are good at balancing friendships and a relationship" she answered.
"One more thing. Do all girls fall in love easily? I am really scared to be friend with someone and she falls in my love, and I couldn't marry her." I said.
"Yes girls are love crazy" she answered with a few minutes delay.
"Also I think you mean the phrase "falls in love with me"" she continued.
"My English is not that good. I had four courses in high school, and one in undergrad. I learnt everything else myself within two years before coming here. Thank you so much for everything." I said.
"No problem. Don't stress about it, it's a normal occurrence" she said.
"If you could tell me anything about the girls, I really appreciate it." I said.
"It's not that easy lol if you have a question I can answer... Girls are more emotional and care a lot how they look and do irrational things.. " she answered.
"I am writing about you in my diary. Is it OK for you?" I asked.
"Uh ok... That's not usually something you tell people. Unless you're referring to a public blog ir something" she asked.
"You are right. There is a public blog. I already wrote somethings about you there, and I would like to add your tonight's comments to it." I said.
"That's fine just don't put my name. that's neat that you have a blog" she said.
"Thank you for everything. Good night. [some joking] I'll really miss you after end of this semester. Take care :^*" I said.
I felt a strong emotion about her after this conversation. She was just like what I expected even better. She listened to me carefully. She never asked me anything about that girl. She answered all my questions logically. I knew that not all girls are such realistic about their life as a girl, but she was.
